


counting your scars and missing the stars

by Breanna_Song



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Cronus and Bro can go die, Dave can read minds, Dave is not okay, F/F, F/M, Ginger Karkat Vantas, Humanstuck, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Suicide Attempt, Like Really Not Okay, M/M, Magic-Users, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Slow Build, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8532397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breanna_Song/pseuds/Breanna_Song
Summary: Telepathy can have it's ups and downs. You could accidentally read your brother's mind to find out he's planning on selling you to some creepy agency or you could read your teacher's mind to get all the answers for the pop quiz. Overall, it's a win/lose situation, until he was back to fighting for his life like it was with Bro. Dave doesn’t know the exact moment when everything went to shit, but he could say it had to do with one Karkat Vantas.Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're the new student at a new school in a new state because your father was murdered. You don't want to talk about it. You say you're a normal teenager, turned fourteen in the summer, but you would be lying through your teeth. But it was something you could deal with, that is, until Dave Strider came and fucked up everything.(recently changed title from: you're such an actor)





	1. insidious is blind inception (Dave)

**Author's Note:**

> first chapter is good now! i think,, tell me my mistakes in the comments.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THIS FIC:  
> -child abuse  
> -blood and mild gore  
> -descriptive of child abuse  
> -Bro (unironically)  
> -panic attack(s)  
> -mentions of bullying, past bullying, and mental disorders  
> -implied suicide attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is being edited ever so slowly

Dave can read minds.

It's not like it just started or anything, he's been able to do since for as long as he could remember. Maybe he's a marvel superhero destined from a prophey to save the world or a mutant that the universe fucked up hugely on (is he the only one?), either way he has a power. Again, he’s not sure how he even got it, not that he’s ungrateful, he is. It’s really cool and shit. Still, it's not easy, he's not gonna sugarcoat it. Reading minds is nowhere near like reading books, it's like cracking open the locked case that's on fire with your bare hands to get the book. He, of course, has to do all mentally and he’s not even going to bother trying to explain that to you. It causes migraines that range from barely there to he can move or else he’ll puke is guts out and either the world is spinning so fast that he can see it or he’s dead. Painkillers, he’s tried everything from under the counter to prescription and the results stay the same. They’re like putting a bandaid on a wound made by a sword, (Dave’s tried that and he does not recommend it). 

Dave cherishes it, even if there's nasty side effects, for all the tests he's cheating on. He got into honors with it, but.. he does feel a little remorseful about that little thing considering his twin worked her ass off to get into honors as well. For all the blackmailing secrets he's found out, did you know that Jade dresses up as furry with Nepeta for fun? Nepeta, the crazy cat lady at age thirteen who's also obsessed with cat puns, and Jade Harley, John's chirpy half-sister who has an enormous pet dog that scares the shit out of Dave. Together. Wow. All in all, the pros weigh out the cons. Try to give him a surprise pop quiz, Mr. Hussie. You're known for them. Dave  _ dares _ you.

Sometimes, more than usual, it sucked ass. Dave's spent hours locked inside his room because he found out what one of his close friends really thought of him. The "curling up in a ball and pressing the palms of your hands on your eyelids because if Bro caught you crying, he'd give you a physical thing to cry about." The joke was on him, Dave had stopped feeling pain the moment he realized he really didn't deserved all the pain Bro was giving him. Then there was the big move, they call it that but it was really him packing all of his shit that he could put it one bag and fleeing to go live with Rose (the twin sister he talked about) and their alcoholic mother until college, which years and years away. Because he had finally got the courage to read Bro’s mind...and what he found was exactly what he expected and not at all what he hoped, ( _ prayed) _ , for. The reading mind was in all reality just the high priced topper of the rum-soaked vanilla cake of Dave finally getting his head out of his ass. Bro was abusive, physically and emotionally and Dave was a dumbass to ever consider him cool.

The only person who knows he has this cool power is Rose, _~~(Bro knows)~~_ , because she figured it out over a what seemed like a regular Thursday breakfast when Dave started having coughing fit and then later muttered about how she puts way too much detail in her wizard porn, and how he's sacred forever now. It's not his fault, he mutters out loud his thoughts and it was a coping method when he was still living with Bro. He can't stand silence. Actually, she probably knew it the whole time, and was just waiting for the right time to use Dave's weird mind thing to her benefit.

And people wonder how Kanaya and Rose randomly started dating.

With pros and cons, Dave's learned to live with it, sure he's always on guard because if the wrong person finds out; he's fucking doomed..

“Hey, Dave!”

Dave stops walking towards to school to wait up for is friend, tilting his head to the side he knew John would come up to and there he is now, bucktooth and all nerd. He met John a long time ago, online, when he was ten or something? They've known each other long enough that the blonde calls John his best friend, his one best bro, even if the nerd knows nothing about what he's been through or that his mental health is shit. The prankster smiles brightly, holding out his fist for a bro bump and what kind of cool kid would Dave be of he didn't give one back? A shitty one. He has a reputation to maintain. “Egderp, what's up?”

“Nothing, I don't think,” John frowns before another dorky smile lit up his kid like features which made Dave roll his eyes. It's not like John could see them, but it's the thought that counts. John’s mind:  **Well, there's a new kid, but he's my other best bro! What if they don't like each other, what if they leave me to hang out on their own! No, they'll become bros and we’ll all be best bros together.**

“So, is there a new kid today-" “H-How did you know that?!” Dave started walking again, slowly in case John wanted to join with. Honestly, sometimes the kid's dumber than a pack of nails. The raven haired teenager is actually really smart though, just not with things right in front of him. Clueless. Oblivious. No common sense. Dave's been reading John's mind ever since he met him in person, (online it doesn't really work that well (MAJOR puking involved)), and it hasn't come to bite him in the ass yet. “Well, I guess it doesn't  matter.  His name is Karkat and he's my best bro!”

“I'm not your best bro? Wow, you hurt me John. And here I thought-”,

“Dave.” 

“We had something special going on. You crushed  my-”. 

“Dave!”

“heart, you tore it to pieces. I hope you're happy. Cause I'm sure- fuck!”

Dave felt something pull him back just as the car sped in front of him. Oh. That's what John was trying to tell him, well..the car was a dark purple and looked really expensive, like it belonged to a rich person. Probably Eridan’s stupid powerful father, man fuck that guy. Dave felt some emotion, it's something he doesn't feel all that often, but often enough. Disappointment? Fuck, maybe his mental health is worse than he thought. Feeling disappointment that a rich prick's car didn't run you over isn't the prime of health. “Now that I have saved your life, I was trying to tell you that Karkat's right over there!”

Dave pulls John's hand of his hoodie, a new one that Rose's mom bought him, the tag was still on it and it costed 250 hundred dollars. . She's trying to buy his love, ta much is obvious when his hoodie costs more than everything he ever owned before The Big Move. He starts looking in the direction his bestie is pointing in. Oh, he was cute. Karkat's a ginger, wild red hair with a million freckles and pale skin, almost like he’s never been outside before. He has a lot more freckles than Dave, who only has a few sprinkled on his nose, he'll give him that. What no one knows is that Dave has this thing called shoulder freckles which means he has a freckled shoulders and damn right can he say proudly that those looked fricken  _ fine _ on him and they may be the only thing he never doubts. Sure, Dave covers them up with slong sleeved shirts, but that’s because of the scars. The scars are ugly and show how pathetic he is. 

Karkat’s really tiny, bundled up in that grey sweater of his that had to be three sizes too big, and it makes him look even more adorable. Stop stupid gay thoughts, he's straight and if he wasn’t, then Bro... He can admit that some dudes are cute, no matter your sexuality. There’s a difference between that and wanting to a dick in your butt.

“He's really shy when you first meet him, so try to not flirt so much? He has bad social anxiety.”

Dave smirked, a rare occurrence considering he had mastered his poker face, but John gets to see it because he's his best bro. "Dude, do you not know me at all?", he said before walking right up to Karkat, beginning to work his mind magic. His mind didn't seem to have any borders on it, not surprising for most people don't suspect that someone could just hack into their brain so they don’t even know how to put them up. He knew he shouldn't do this to someone he just met, and he usually never does, but the kid's cute. Karkat looked surprise at his sudden appearance, but didn't say anything. Looks like John wasn't kidding about him being a shy little guy.

“Sup, I'm Dave Strider.” Dave feels like he might have to go to the nurse for some painkillers, if it’s the one that gives them to im without a doctor's or parent’s note, his head is starting to  _ pound _ . Damn, the side effect of having a power. “Hey! Wait up for me!”, John yelled behind him, but Dave ignores him as he waits for Karkat's response. And what he's thinking. “K-Karkat.” The owner of the shy, meek voice hangs his head down, fidgeting nervously before, like on cue, the bell rings and he quickly rushes off to class without a simple bye. Dave just in time caught a quick thought.

**God, that kid was actually really fucking good-looking but so fucking douchey. Wearing trendy, hipster shades when it's fucking cold, shitty January? He probably thinks I'm such an idiot, well fuck him! I hope I-**

John has to drag a stunned Dave, who’s wondering why someone who curses like a sailor seems to shy on a first impression, to class.


	2. whats reality with all these questions (Karkat)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One Karkat Vantas  
> One bad case of social anxiety  
> One Dave Strider  
> One bad case of hotness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's in present tense and second person because I don't even know. Sorry if it doesn't flow, I didn't proofread it, but i probs will in the future. This chapter is a good length longer because I've gotten a lot better with my writing. I like this though, and will update for regularly instead of like a year. XD my bad

You just happen to be one Karkat Vantas, one Karkat Vantas who is moving in with his brother because some terrible shit happened. You don't want to talk about it, even though everyone is pressing on you talking helps, but what was there to even say? Your father is dead, he was murdered for helping out the minority, he was doing this god-forsaken planet a favor! And..now he's gone.  
You really don't want to talk about it.

Kankri actually lives in a house, not an apartment like you were imaging on the seven hour car drive over, and it looks well kept which wasn't surprising because your brother was diagnosed with OCD at the age of thirteen.

His so-called boyfriend better be helping him with it like he gushed over on the phone. If not, or if he's not treating your brother nicely, you're gonna throw a punch. Probably get your ass beat up, but it's the thought that counts.  
“Karkat, please take your shoes off before you go inside, you know about I feel about dirt tracking around the house.”  
You know he's going to clean the floors anyway, but you take your shoes off anyways, you want to make things easier for him.

You go to your room, a small thing but it was more than what you had before sometimes with your father, and that reminds you that John made you promise to call him when you got there. Why he doesn't text like a normal teenager, you have no fucking clue.

_”Beep Beep Meow!”_

“Fuck. No. We are not fucking doing this little dance jiggle again, no one is calling upon the overpowered gods to rain down fire on us, boiling off our flesh down to the bone and our delicious eyeballs sizzling before they pop like a bubble. Go fuck yourself, Egbert, but before you do, remind me why exactly I'm your friend?”

_”Because you're not as bad as you think you are! I'm guessing you're there now, and Karkat? You never did tell me why you suddenly moved, not that I mind! We're going to be going to the same school, and you'll be able to meet my other best bro, Dave. He's so cool, or so he thinks..Karkat? You there?”_

“I have to unpack, see you tomorrow.”

You end the call and sigh, running your hand down your face. You really don't like doing that, but the conversation was turning into a conversation you can't stand and you run from things that scare you. It's becoming a problem, your stupid social anxiety and going to a new school right in the middle of the year is not helping at all.

You rarely open up to people, John is one of the two friends you actually have. Sollux is the other one and you involuntarily left him in the state over, he's a douche most of the time, but you balance out each other pretty well. Social anxiety, right. Terrifying. You’re actually worried that your brother hates you and doesn't want you here, even though he reassured you that it's okay. He's thirteen years older than you for a reason and that is to take care of you, or so he says.

You're pretty well-adjusted in taking care of yourself.

After you plug in your prized laptop, put your phone on the shitty charger that takes hours to charge your old, crappy phone, and then collapse on your already made bed coresty to your brother. You’re not going to be able to sleep, sleep never comes easily and usually you pass out from exhaustion from days of not sleeping, lucky you that you slept for three hours last night.

Thank the gods.  
You take out your writing notebook, and flip to the most recent page, twenty pages left. You’re going to have to get a new one very soon, today or tomorrow if you could, but you have no idea where anything is in this small town. You don’t even know the high school you’re going to tomorrow, and isn’t that weak as fuck.

“Karkat! Dinner is ready.”

There’s always asking Kankri you suppose. You get up and go to dinner, which was hotdogs and macaroni and cheese, this is going to be awkward. Sitting down at the small table, you began to fill your plate with the pasta and salad that was available. That’s a good fucking salad. “Uh, Kankri, you do know I’m a vegetarian, right? I thought you were too, what the fuck happened with that?”

“I-, oh dear I forgot. And language, cursing is a bad habit I don’t want you to get into.” He rushed up, taking the plate of meat against your protests, “You don’t have to throw it away, that’s a huge waste of food. Also, fuck you I’m fourteen, I can curse if I fucking want too.”

You got him to keep the plate and finish the meal, you picked at your salad as you asked him questions about the town. A mistake you didn’t realize until he started to fucking preach and oh god, he’s talking about puberty now, when did that come up with the question “Where’s the high school, and a store I can shit at?”.  
From all of that, you got that your cousin is going to be walking you to school and helping you with everything.

You abscond to your room for the rest of the day.

The morning, you dress in your usual sweater and jeans. Take a quick glance in the mirror, and then regret it. You still look like trash, something that hasn’t changed in the years of your pathetic life.  
You meet Kayana at the bus stop she texted you to come to. She was beautiful, just how you remembered her. Still taller, gorgeous brown skin like melted caramel, curves like a hourglass, and green eyes that match perfectly with her dark, short hair. You want to be her, but you’re just the cousin, and that’s okay. It sucks how she’s a year older though.

“Did you eat breakfast?”  
You shake your head at her prying question, ignoring how tight your chest felt. She doesn’t hate you, she’s your friend, she’s not mad you’re one minute late.

“Karkat, dear, have my apple. You need to eat food in the morning.”

“I’m fine, just tired.”

She frowns, about to ask how you slept probably, but the bus came driving up. You let her get in first, so that you can sit next to her when she sits down. There wasn’t that many kids of the bus, mostly freshman like you, but it still caused for your breathing to hitch. Kanaya slid into one of middle seats, right behind a short (taller than you still) blonde girl with a little bit of chub on her. You don’t care though, looks aren’t important, you followed your cousin. You stumbled on the way there, no one laughed, but you could feel their stares. Damn this anxiety.

They were talking when you sat down, “-love that top on you. Is it new?” Kanaya flushes, “Yes, Rose. I made it myself.” They giggled. Oh god, are they flirting? You knew Kanaya was gay, but you didn’t know she had game! You felt your heart drop slightly because you realize Kanaya didn’t tell you, and she tells you everything. Or you thought she told you everything.

“Rose, dear, this is my cousin, Karkat. Karkat, this is Rose, my girlfriend.”  
You nod to her and she smiles with a trace of hidden mischief, “Nice to meet you.” You go to open your backpack to get your book you’re reading, but Kanaya makes a move to stop you, “We’re almost there. We could of walked to school if you wanted to, but Rose and I had already made plans to take the bus. My apologies.”

You would of definitely liked walking better, but you quietly voice your okayness with this, “It’s okay. I don’t fucking mind.”

You heard a hum of agreement, and you curse yourself of forgetting Rose was there. She smiles like a crocodile. Just like Kanaya said, the bus stopped at the school and everyone departed off.  
Kanaya gives you a kiss on the cheek before running off somewhere with Rose. They’ll dating, they’re going to go suck face before the bell rings and classes start. Sneaky bastards. You wait outside the school, you had your schedule emailed to you so you don’t have to go to the office. The less interaction with people, the better.

And there’s John. He looks the same as the photo he sent you, buck teeth, messy dark hair, wide frame glasses because he’s blind as fuck. Even though, you’re far past the crush you had on him last year (okay, almost past), you can still say he’s cute. A datable cute. Then you notice the blonde next to him, you can’t quite see him. He’s all the way across the parking lot, but you sigh under your breath because it’s clear even from there that he’s taller than you.  
And coming your way.

You panic mentally, you could leave, but you know that he knows that you know that he’s coming over to talk to you. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He has white blonde hair, sunglasses on his face when it’s clearly cloudy, long sleeved shirt with a record symbol on it, and tan skin. You note that he has the tiniest freckles on the bridge of his nose and cheekbones. Not like you.

“Sup, I’m Dave Strider.” You freeze, staring at him long enough for it to be awkward. You pull at your sleeve, quickly moving your gaze to the floor, hoping he’ll get the hint and leave you alone. You should probably say something, “K-Karkat.” Your name? Really? Ugh, that sounds so dumb..

Luckily, the bell saves you. You rush away, hoping you’re not seen as rude. God, that kid was so hot, but so fucking douchy. Wearing shades when it’s fucking January? Not to mention he probably thinks you’re such an idiot, well fuck him! You hope you never see him or his shades again. You didn’t even get to talk to John, the one person besides Kanaya that you know.

It takes you awhile to find your homeroom classroom, and so when you get there, you’re late and everyone else is already there. The teacher nods at you as you rush in, you guess because you’re new it okay that you’re late, and then freeze. There’s one seat open and it’s right in front of one Dave Strider, one Dave Strider that you hoped you would never see again.

You hate your life.


	3. feels like i missed my alarm and slept in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat gets his mind read, and Rose and Kanaya are the unlimited gay couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a plot  
> Totally  
> (Sort of filler in the first part to better explain Dave's powers, but don't skip it please) ALSO THE FORMAT GOT MESSED UP AND UGH IT'S ANNOYING.

Sweet. Dave’s day just keeps getting better and better, because as soon as he got to class (thank god for John) and sat in his assigned seat, the old teacher hates disruptive kids, Karkat comes walking through the door. The sweetest part of the already cavadee event is that the only seat that Karkles can take is right in front of him, and that would make his seat in the first row. Right next to Nepeta. What kind of name is Karkat anyways? He’s imaging it’s spelled with a K, if it’s a C, then it would be pretty dumb. The dumbest of dumb, you take an Egbert and Ampora sandwich dumb. Man, fuck Eridan, he’s dumb and a prick. A rich prick.

Dave has to decide on a nickname for Kittykat, or he could just use a bunch of names, the possibilities are endless. Crabkat himself was shuffling over to him, woo time for magic, _**I can’t fucking believe this. This is bullshit, utter bullshit. At least John’s in this class, but he’s across the room! Why have I been fucking cursed like I did something wrong, oh I know what I did wrong. I was born. Everyone’s looking at me, they know I fucked up, ugh, breathe. I’m gonna be fine, it’s only class.**_

Dave almost frowns, this kid is so full of mysteries, and looks around the room to test his theory. No one notices because of his shades, and he could see that only a few people were looking in Karkat’s direction. Nepeta, John (who was waving happily), that one person he can’t bother to remember, and more no names. When Dave turns back around, he sputtered. Jesus, when the kid sat down, he could see over his head and Dave isn’t that tall. Around 5’9 definitely, and..Kitkat couldn’t be taller than 5’1. He should of noticed when he was talking to him before class, but Dave can be oblivious sometimes.

Mr. Hare, who has no hair, began to drone on about something historical, and so Dave naturally begins to doodle. Sure, he likes history, but he’s him and he already decided that he’s not going to pay attention in class now. Fuck it all today. Does he even need to be in class, or go to school? He can cheat his way through life and if that isn’t the coolest thing you’ve ever heard, then you a sad, sad man or girl. Dave doesn’t have no preference with who sees his coolness, it’s for everyone to come and gawk at. Gather around, take pictures, he’ll even twerk for an extra five cents.

Augh.

He really needs to get his train of rambling under control, he may start talking out loud again, but fuck the train has a life of it’s own now. Full stream ahead it bellows while he’s tied up, gonna be thrown in the fire pot thingy with all the coal. Auuughhh.

He sketches without thinking about what to draw, he gets lost his head a lot if you couldn't already tell, and it slowly transformed into a bloody crow. Not bloody as in Britain's weird cursing, but bloody as in blood is dripping off it. He’s no art major, yet, but he would say he’s pretty damn good. Drawing is always an outlet for him to escape to, it doesn't block everything out like music does, but it does the job fair enough.

“Dave, how long is the great wall of China?”

He sits up when hearing his name and looked at the teacher, (he broke through to his mind ages ago), **_I wonder if he’ll know this, it’s 1, 400 miles and this isn’t a fact that most students his age know. He’s a very smart student, he’s never failed anything, but I don’t know how he learns anything with all that doodling. A prodigy more of the case_**.

“1, 400 miles long, I’m pretty sure. Could be 1, 500 miles long, that’s a long ass wall. You wanna know what’s also long?” The class erupted in giggles, and it took Mr. Hare, who has no hair, three minutes to call them all back down again. Apparently, he’s teaching about China, that sounded pretty cool actually with all the battles, but Dave can’t really focus. He glances from the board to Karkat, who’s ears were bright red. Read his mind, Dave? He hesitated, not because it was an invasion of privacy, but because he’s starting to get a migraine coming on. He doesn’t use his power for shits and giggles all the time, it takes a toll and he doesn’t want to overload again, not that he would by just reading midget’s mind again.

That happened once.

Basically, a couple years ago, he read minds practically every second one day and just passed when he got home. He woke up covered in smuppets five hours later with a strife note on his forehead. He got his ass kicked because he could barely stand, much less block Bro’s sword, and he got punched in the face when he puked nearly on Bro. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Some days, he doesn’t even use it. Mostly, which means practically every day, he does, but once or twice in a period, it’s better to space them out so the migraines at least manageable. The headaches are inevitable, 90% he has one and he just deals with it. But, today is a fuck it all day.

_**He’s not going to call on me. Just pay attention, is Douche Mcgee Dave staring at me? I kinda feel like he’s staring at me, that fucked up creep. What’s long? Not his fucking dick. I mean, unless..No! Listen, Qin Shi Huang thought of the great wall of China, well that’s paranoia at it’s finest. I don’t give two shits about this crap, but fuck it, fuck it all. I want to go home, home with it’s fluffy blankets and my movies. Oh, I don’t think we’ve unpacked my movies. It sucks how I didn’t get to keep them all, they didn’t all survive the fire. I’m lucky to have two...out of fifty five. Ugh, I promised myself I wouldn’t think of it. That brunette chick is staring at me, fuck you. I hope you get your skin slowly peeled off by a potato peeler and then boiled on medium for twenty-five minutes, add some spice, but guess what? After it’s all done, everyone puked out their fucking guts because you’re a salty ass bitch.** _

Shit, he’s talking again. Dave rolls his eyes, Kitkat what are you doing? Insulting people? Wow. He’s still mind boggled that this short, fluffy ginger who stuttered when saying his name has a raging storm inside his head.

“Mr. Vantas, how about you?” The new student freezes, Dave sees it clear as day him tensing up, but now he knows his last name. Total not saving that for later. “Karkat?”, the elder person in the room by forty years pressed. He feels pity for him, Mr. Hare, who has no hair, 99% of the time only calls on students of the time who aren’t paying attention, but he was trying to pay attention. Dave read his mind, and he was literally panicking about trying to stay focused. Dave raises his hand.

That’s something he never does, he doesn't’ want to be that kid who gets all the answers right and rubs it in everyone’s faces and he only gets them right is because he reads the teacher’s mind. He’s not a smart person under all the layers. He feels everyone’s eyes on him, and he does what he does best, act cool. “Yes, Dave.”

“Yes. Ya’ll called on me, but before you called on Kittykat. That’s some call central going on right there. Yo, John, get a load of this. Someone record this shi-sh right down right now at this exact second, Nepeta, you like cats, right? If you record my sweet words right now, like honey to your ears. Come on, you’ve never heard something so beautiful like this before, it’s bringing tears to your eyes. But anyways, if you do that, I’ll hold Karkat down, get it, he has cat in his name, so you can lick him. Lick the everloving fudge out of him, he’ll totally be down. He kinda called you salty, so I don’t know how you’re going to take that, but he’s cute.”

Dave waved around his pen when he rambled, gesturing to the people he would talk to. Mr. Hare, who has no hair, sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He does that when he’s annoyed. Then, Mr. Hare, who has no hair, turns back to the chalkboard, because this school is poor, and continues lecturing about Qin Suh whats-his-face.

He didn’t notice, but Karkat had turned around at one point in time and is staring weirdly at the freckled blonde. Dave raises an eyebrow, high enough that the shorty sees it, and crosses his arms. So cool. All Karkat does is lean in and whisper, “What the everloving fuck was that?’. Time beats, Dave is trying desperately to bite back his laughter, and he does, but little huffs of breath still escape out. He never full-out laughs, rolling on the ground, clutching his stomach. That’s just not cool.

Karkat stares at him longer, faint pink lathered on his cheeks, before he huffs and turns back around. Dave could read his mind again, but right now, he doesn’t want to. He could play it off that his head is pounding, but the real reason is that he doesn’t know why. It would of been the perfect time to do it. The bell rings fifteen minutes later.

Unfortunately, Dave doesn’t have any of his other classes with Kitkat, classes until lunch he means. The cafeteria is crowded, but he doesn’t eat that garbage anyways, he actually doesn’t eat lunch at all. Or breakfast. Sometimes not even dinner. Though, recently Kanaya, Rose’s elegant girlfriend who eats lunch with them everyday, has been “accidently” packing another sandwich and Rose had swore him not to read her mind after they finally got together.

_**(“What if she's cheating on you?” “She would never do that, so you swear?” “Fucking fine. Anyone else I'm not allowed to use my sweet awesome powers on?” “Me? And mother dearest. I assume you know why?” “Ya, ok.”)** _

He goes to the usual place that they chill at, under the big oak tree near the courtyard. Perfect view in case the school goes up in flames, (part of him thinks that's why Rose picked it). The ultimate gay couple are already there, cuddling and holding hands while they feed each other strawberries. It was disgustingly cute, but it was good that they were there. Rose would have his meds, seriously, he's having a hard time just even walking, much less paying attention in class with this headache.

“PDA, sister. Haven't we talked about this?” She smiles her creepy “I know everything smile”, “Why, David, I don't know what you're talking about.”

Dave scoffs, she knows that's not his name, she only calls him that to spite him. He opens his mouth to report back, when a quiet oh comes behind him. Kanaya smiles warmly, holding out her hand, the one that isn't petting Rose's fair blonde hair, to whoever tried to sneak up on a Strider.

Oh. It's Karkat, surprisingly. Well, it was obvious that he was going to sit next to them because John sits next to them, but John doesn't have lunch today. Late piano work, he had explained. So, why's the cute ginger here?

“Karkat, come sit down. You've already met Rose, I believe, and this is her twin brother, Dave.”

Dave moves to the side so Karkles could pass through, and he did, sitting close next to Kanaya. They knew each other? Damn, how many people knew this cutie before him? Does he have competition?

“I..know him. He's in my homeroom class.” Again with this shy act? Jesus. Dave would like it better if he's just honest, what does a shy, cowardly act even get you? No friends, no fans, no one adoring you, so why?

“Yup, and I distinctly remember saving ya from Mr. Hare, who has no hair.”

“What? That's n-not his name.”

“Oh yes it is. Tell ‘em Rose.” Rose rolls her light violet eyes, “That's a nickname Dave here came up with because Mr. Hare really doesn't have any hair, he's bald.” Dave shrugs, his fingers tapping the side of him in a steady rhythm to have him something to focus on besides his head thumping, and it was also a clue to Rose that he forgot his pills. “You need to stop being so forgetful, Dave.”

She fishes out the aspirin from her purple purse, and hands the pill bottle over to him. Quickly, he shakes two out and pops them in the back of his throat, swallowing them dry. He knows he's not supposed to do that, but he doesn't have any water around and he wanted to look cool in front of Karkat. And the look on the teen’s face says it all, surprise, and- annoyance?

Kanaya gasps her little fake gasp of “Oh no, I messed up on something and I totally didn't mean to. Yes that is the truth”.

“It seems like I accidentally packed three sandwiches instead of one. Rose dear, what do I do?”, she sprouted and Dave sighs, holding out his hand, “Yo mama, hit me up.” Eating is worth the pleasant smile that lights up her face.

Then, she turns to Karkat, but doesn't say anything like she did to him. He huffs under his breath and takes the other one, and under closer inspection didn't have any meat? Shit, his didn't have any either and you know that he loves his juicy flesh. Wait- ew, that sounded wrong.

Well, if the context involved let's say Karkat, then..

Nah, Dave's not gay. He's not.

 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh boy  
> So basically Dave's not very straight, but he thinks he is even tho he's obviously considers Karkat cute. It's just never really occurred to him that he may not just like girls, and that's because of Bro and his toxic masculinity. Idk its just some headcanons that I roped into this.


	4. broken legs but i chase perfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If your life was a romcom, things would be different. You wouldn't be crushing on someone who's straight, you wouldn't have this social anxiety, boys would pay attention to you- actually you would either be a girl or be straight (there are few LBGT+ romcoms) , and your father wouldn't be dead.  
> Everything would change.
> 
> You wish everything would change.

You are awestruck to say the least, no, not awestruck, that's not good enough. More like a combination of aghast, mind-boggled, and confounded of the absolute idiocy of Dave Strider (that last name is annoying the crap out of you), and his moronic, confusing actions. Does he even know how fucking dangerous swallowing dry pills is? You wouldn’t put it past him, every trait that he’s shown as been giving hints to the answer that he's an imbecile.

You consciously shift closer to Kanaya because she’s a safe zone that you trust wholeheartedly, part of you is wondering why he needs pain medication because with what Rose said, it seems like he takes it often. Other part of you wonders why he wears shades and how Mr. Hare didn't tell him to take them off. The Mr. Hare who screamed at a kid for wearing a baseball hat.

You don't want to accept it, but you're intrigued. And, you can't really hate someone for just wearing sunglasses in January, even though you've hated people for less of a reason. Dave could be blind, you wince as someone from your past came up in your mind, or he could have some eye-disease problem. He did save your stumbling ass in History, in the weirdest word-vomit way, so the least you could do is be friendly.  
As friendly as your social anxiety will let you.

“Uh, thanks for earlier. In history class.”  
There was a hidden undertone that you knew that he wouldn't be able to hear, the “even if you told Nepeta, whoever the fuck that is, that she could lick me.” You're salty about that part. You’re not Kankri, far far far from him, but licking is a germy, disgusting thing. Nepeta can go lick herself like a crazy cat lady for all you care.

He looks, or you think he looks since his eyes are hidden fuckers, at you and shrugs effortlessly. Like a douche. “Sure, no problem. You were freaking out about it,” he quickly adds, “You were all hunched over and shit. Trembling like a baby kitten abandoned in the rain by it’s overworked, druggie mother cat with two other cat babies on the way. A cute little Karkat, in need of shelter, and I just happened to be walking by, minding my own business. What kind of monster would I be if I didn't help?”  
A rush of sharp wind, slicing through hair and cutting around bodies, went around the group, (it was suspiciously weird you would later think), as you narrow your eyes. Screw being kind. Kindness is for dorks with glasses and messy raven hair and dimples and crooked teeth that somehow all comes together to make a cute and dorky person that you really want to kiss.  
Fuck no, fuck that thinking, you're over John fucking Egbert. He’s straight, remember?

Dave tilts his head at you, you really wish you could read his expression, and takes a bite of Kanaya’s food. Shit, that reminds you of your own sandwich. It tastes downright amazing, and you squeeze your cousin's hand to show your thanks. What would you do without her?

During the course of the lunch, another person comes over. She’s really tall, taller than Dave and he downright is a tower (to you at least), with thick black hair that's pulled up in a high ponytail and big circle glasses. She’s cute, her eyes are the greenest you’ve ever seen on someone and Kanaya is your cousin. She's also the definition of an optimistic person, her laughter is contagious and she very clearly has a crush on Dave. She introduces herself as Jade Harley and instantly your mind flashes to John's half-sister, of course, you can see the resemblance in the face. Same plucky nose and cheeks that still have a little baby fat on them, but there’s still a good difference between them. Not like Strider and Rose, they look almost exactly the same if you take away the body.  
“Dave, you still being a cool-kid?”, she questions with bright eyes and he flashes her fingerguns.  
Her crush is so obvious that you're confused on how he hasn't caught on yet. It's only a matter of time before she spills her guts, but the question is if he likes her back.

Dave provides more than half of the commentary for everyone and sometimes goes “Yes, exactly” when no one said anything. You quickly become annoyed at this and think, _can you shut up for one godforsaken second, today is not the day I want my fucking ears to bleed out from all of your nonsense rambling! I can feel myself become dumber by the second, my brain cells are killing themselves to get away from your sht-talking mouth!_ He then stops midway through explaining how Morty from Rick and Morty is actually Ariel from The Little Mermaid and does the breathy laugh he did back in class. You've never heard anything like it before, and it makes your ears burn red. It’s attractive, somehow it’s attractive and you long to hear more. You make it your mission to make him laugh at least one more time.

Kanaya smiles kindly and Rose smiles like she knows something, you dully remember Kanaya whispering to you last period how Rose Lalonde is the smartest person she had ever met. You would like to doubt that, but so far, the flighty broad has been living up to her image.  
She opens her mouth to communicate to you, “Karkat, you've been awfully silent. Do you have anything to add?”

You frown, eyes flickering away from her, and shake your head. Dave had stopped laughing, you note. “Hm, if you don't mind me asking, where did you live before?”, she pushed. You decide that you don't like her. Pushy, needy people are the worst, yet your family member, Mrs. Maryam, like to probe in shit that doesn’t concern her, so you guess it’s not the same for everyone. You also don't know how to answer that question, your father moved around a lot for protests and riots, so you go with the last place you lived in. The place that got burned down in “West Virginia.”  
She nods, pleased with that answer. Bitch.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see the freckled teen frowning, very slightly that most eyes would pass it, at you. It's the only expression you've seen on him so far and it makes your stomach churn unpleasantly like you're going to puke.  
Your skin bristles, he couldn't possibly know that you called his sister, twin sister at that, a bitch. He would have to be a mind reader to know that.

Just like the bell, you're saved from the awkward encounter of Dave showing an unpleasant emotion. It's John, screaming your name and hopping up and down like he's on fire. You suddenly understand the metaphor “Straight out of the pan and into the fire”, or is it “Straight out of the fire and into the pan”? You cringe inwardly, people are starting to look, and before you do anything, Dave hoists you up quickly. Too quickly.  
Your nose is a couple centimeters from his body, and you think absentmindedly if he could hear your pounding heartbeat. You could feel his heat, warm and inviting.

“Damn, you're light as fuck. Didn't expect that to be as easy as it was, what do you eat? Clouds and air? Because I’ve tried that diet and it's not very nutritious,” he trails off and even if you have only known him for a solid hour (two hours if you count the early morning and history class), you can say for a fact that he rambles a lot. He literally never shuts up.  
You lightly push at his chest and glare up at him, he's so fucking tall, luckily he gets the hint and takes several steps back. He seems to be nervous, the second expression you've seen on him and this one makes you feel a lot better than the frowning.

You wonder what he looks like when he's happy.

You abscond before you can finish that thought, going up to John. You’re sweating and you can feel everyone’s eyes on you, you know you’re not imagining that. He smiles with his dimples and all teeth that makes butterflies flutter lightly in your stomach, butterflies that are dying because 1, anxiety, and two, you’re done with the stupid crush on him, “Hey, Karkat! I finally got out of piano class, anything interesting happened?”

You sigh, crossing your arms, “Your friend Dave being a flirty, talkative dick, his sister trying to find all the secrets of my life, and classes that have me tearing my own hair out. Also, met you sister, she acts like you. So far, it's been a good fucking day, I just hope from the bottom of my small, shriveled heart that it continues like this all the way til I get home! Maybe Kankri can be amazing and lecture me again on how language needs to be fucking proper.”

He laughs, an ugly laugh by all means, but still makes your heart burn. His sister sounds like him, and that makes your heart go back to being a lump of coal. “Ha ha, very funny, crabbypants. Anyways, lunch is gonna end soon, want to walk to English together? You said you had Mrs. Lucille fifth period, I think.” He rolls his sky blue eyes, how can eyes be that blue, and began walking away. Curse his long legs that make you have to run to catch up. At least he’s not as tall as Dave, a couple inches shorter.  
Back on topic, you nod, you did tell him that. In a long, angry rant at three in the morning that wasn't even about classes when he was asleep, so you're a bit surprised he knew that. Your rants are...something in of itself.  
You have hopes for the English class, you may okay not of googled your teacher to see if she was good or not and you got mixed results. It looks like she's some sort of hardass.

But you don't get to judge, because there's a substitute (who obviously knows practically nothing about teaching literature). The classroom is oddly vacant, about ten students are either absent or skipped, you wouldn’t judge, but you’re judging. You sit next to John this time, because there’s no assigned seats. The substitute is really tall, six foot three or something, with dark hair and a Harry Potter double scar on his forehead. He smiles and says hello to the class, “Call me Cronus.” You froze, that’s what your brother’s so-called boyfriend is called. And how many Cronus Ampora’s are there?

You pray from the bottom of your stone cold heart that Mrs. Lucille is better than Mr. Ampora, _Cronus_ , he fucking flirted with some of the girls like a cheap, prick, scumbag dickwad. You really pray that he's not your brother's boyfriend or you're really going to get beat up for trying to beat his ass up. You met his brother, Eridan “Prince Fishcrap” Ampora in third period and fuck does that guy have the ego way higher than Dave with his stupid coolkid shades.  
_( “Hey, move the fuck out of my way.”_  
_“S-sorry.”_  
_“You better be. Where did you get that outfit? The old lady store?”_  
_“...What? Did you just- insult my clothes?”_  
_“..Yes?”_  
_“What the fuck, that’s one of the most sad and pathetic insults I’ve ever fucking heard.”_  
_“Wwhoa, calm down.”_  
_“No, you fucking calm down, you shitspewing douchebagging crapsmoker.”_  
_“...Wwanna eat lunch together?”_  
_“Eh, tomorrow.”)_  
But, you think you made your first friend by yourself (Strider isn’t a friend and Rose is hella Kanaya’s and so it doesn’t count.)  
Fifth period passes, and then sixth, your last class has Dave in it, but luckily it has Kanaya as well. You sit next to her instead of blonde fuckboi.

The final bell rings, time flies, and you find yourself walking home with Dave Strider. He has a weird last name, fucking stride? Come on. Kanaya has to stay behind at school to finish a project with Rose, totally in cahoots. Making out? Very likely. You don't want to have Dave walk you home, but he's the only one in distance that knows where your house is and you want to know how to get home from school. You don’t want to rely on anyone, relying on people just gets you hurt and fucked up. You can take care of yourself.  
As predictable, he strikes up a one-sided conversation that you want no part in, “So, how was your first day at this lovely school?”.

“Shitty,” You respond duly, shrugging your shoulders. Talking one on one is easier, but you would rather not talk at all. Curse fucking shitty past you for forgetting to bring earbuds. You would love to listen to some of your emo shit instead of making awkward small talk. Some Twenty One-Pilots or Hasley would be great right now. But not Halsey's new music, it's too popish and you miss when she was unique.

“Wow, I was expecting more of a ‘that place makes me want to tear off the secretary's long ass fucking claws to tear my stomach in two, so I could grab my guts and hang myself right here, right now.’ But, shitty works too.”  
You freeze, your shoe hitting against a pebble, sending it skittering away in the street. He did a perfect impression of you, perfectly, sure it wasn't hard because your personality is very distinctive, but you've never acted like yourself around him. Ever. You have had one word answers, maybe a sentence or two. It’s not like how it happened with Eridan and how he just made you so full of rage that you spat angry words at him like you do in your head all the time at everyone.

You assure yourself that John must of talked about you a lot, that makes your cheeks hot, and wipe your sweaty hands on your pants. Dave had stopped at the stop sign, quietly waiting for you. He doesn't say anything else on the way to your house, not even when you thank him. It's weird, but you thank the silence when it lasted.  
You twist the doorknob, taken aback on how easily it turns, and step inside. Instantly, you're hit with the smell of chemicals and bleach. You sign, and after taking off your shoes, you look around for Kankri. The kitchen is spotless, as small as it is, it looks damn beautiful. You remind yourself to complement Kankri, he probably spent hours on it. The front room is empty, and you can’t find him anywhere in the house. You’re alone.

You lock your door to your room, and slid down it, curling your arms around your knees. Today was exhausting. You want to stay in your room forever, and just cry until you run out of tears. You miss your father. You miss your old house with it’s two story and awesome movie room that your dad made just for you and your movies, your romance comedy movies that you spent years collecting, and your crab, (Will Smith), but everything died in that fire. Will Smith died, and he was supposed to live a long ass time! Your one picture of mom, most of your collection of sweaters, and fuck!

You’re hyperventilating, your fingers are pressing down hard on your arm to try to bring you back to reality, they’re making indications hard enough that you know there’ll be bruises. You fucking promised yourself you wouldn’t think about it, thinking about it causes you to lose yourself. It’s just not fucking fair! Your thick, orange hair that you inherited from your mom flops in your face, but you’re shaking too hard to move it. Why? Why did all of this happen to you? You deserve every hard ball the universe throws at you, but your father didn’t, and your brother doesn’t deserve to confined to your miserable ass. He was going places, but now he has to take care of you.  
You killed your father.  
By just being who you are, you didn’t want to be given what you can do, but- but if only you were more careful. Someone lit that fire to kill you, but they killed the only person you trusted instead. The only person that mattered. He always warned you to never use it, to never let go of control, and for the most part, you were fine. But some nights you spent practicing in your room, late enough that the moon was going down and the sun was beginning to come up.You wanted to show him that you could do it, he doesn’t need to be scared.

You sob into your knees, your tears flowing down your face and this is the first time you’ve truly grieved for what you lost. You keep thinking about your crab, how you’ll never be able to see him do the little head tilt he does when he’s happy, or about your movies and how you lost your favorite one, you’ll never be able to scream at Rick for being an idiot for letting her go ever again. Well..you could always get a new crab and new movies, but they meant a lot to you, okay?! And-and your father, he fucking died and he’s never going to ruffle your hair again or sing to you with his deep voice to help you sleep or tell you stories about your mother when they met. You miss him so fucking much, and Kankri’s trying, but it’s not the same. He forgot that you were vegetarian for fucks’ sake! You wish you were never born, you wish you killed yourself when you were younger, you wish that your father is alive and this was all some sick joke and not real life. But most importantly, you wish so strongly that you weren’t you.

When you finally calmed down and opened your eyes, you break down again. Because everything, your bed, your laptop, the floor, everything was coated in this thick layer of ice and snow softly fell from the ceiling. It was a scene straight out of a movie, but this isn’t a fucking movie, there are no happy endings...but you wish there were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot twist :)  
> I have big plans for this, this isn't going to be some cheesy cute fic okay? It started out like that, but things are changing. I actually have a plot in the works now. And I know it heavily implies Johnkat, but Davekat in the end ship. We just gotta have Karkat suffer a bit, okay?


	5. these walls are my blank expression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is it safe to walk to town, a walk that takes three hours and goes past a woods known for a murder or two? Probably not, but it's the only walk that ever clears his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i write rose well?  
> also i LOVE your comments they make my day pls write more if you want
> 
> also also the format is really busting my ass ugh how do other people do it  
> also also also pesterchum doesn't exist in this world bc it would be too annoying for me to format sorry they can call instead  
> IMPORTANT  
> I rewrote, sort of, the first chapter so if you could check that out again that would be grand and Dave is now tan because before I wrote him having pale skin? I realized that I want him and Karkat to *not* be so alike so that's why he's tan, (he lived in Texas so), and has shoulder freckles.

“I don't like him.”

 

Rose glances over her mug of tea, a fancy one that Dave never bothered to learn, and the point of drinking the stupid fancy tea was to make her look sophisticated and mature. And it was working. She twirls a dainty spoon in the brown liquid that smells like cat piss from where he is across the counter, “I'm assuming from your tone of voice that you read his mind, and didn't like what you saw?”, she takes a sip to hide her quirky smile.

“You know me too well,” he mocks her with using her tone of all all knowing voice. He hates when she acts all superior, she knows just as much as him, maybe more because she's in the honors classes willingly. Dave wants to go back to normal easy classes, but he got extraordinary grades on all his tests. He doesn't even do his homework. On the other hand, he can read minds. He can go up to the President and read his mind and mind out all of the secret things that the government hides, the illuminati. However, he could go up to the President of the USA and just mind out that the Prez finds him hella cool because he can’t search people’s mind, he could only see what they’re thinking at the time. Hella big drawback.

She sighs, putting the tea down to look at him, “Okay. I'm here to listen, not to judge. Why do you dislike Karkat, he seems very pleasant if not shy.”

He coughs as sarcastic as a cough can get. “He's not shy, Rose. He's loud and insults everyone, literally everyone like damn son calm your tits. And his insults are fucking hilarious, ten out of ten would recommend you to hear. It's all angry hail fire, he gets so fucking pissed at the weirdest things. You know how he's in my science class, by the way I have three classes with not including lunch so I know my shit better than any shit I’ve taken, and Tavros spilled some water near him, the kid is a kluz, not even on him or any of his shit just on the floor near him slightly, and holy fuck the words he yelled in his head. I didn't even know people could yell in their heads, it was so loud that I cried out in legit pain, but not loud because that would ruin my rep. Only Jade heard cause she's my lab partner and she got so worried, like she was, ‘you need to go to the nurse!’. And I was like, ‘babe, coolkids don't go to nurses’. He's actually pretty funny. I see that face, I'm getting to that part. But, he called you a bitch and as the big brother-..okay, fine, as the younger brother I can not allow that.”

“Dave, you can’t like someone simply because he called me a bitch. Lots of people have called me worse than that, John has called me a ‘rude meanie who manipulates and is a bitch’ and you're still best friends with him.”

“Ialsomaybesortofslippedupandhessuspisousnow.”

His twin sister crosses her ankles, posing as if some cameraman was going to take her picture, and remarks, “Could you repeat that, brother? I'm hoping I misheard you.” Shit. Her voice is all sweet like sugar, but he knows from experience that it's a trap. “I..slipped up once or twice, not so fucking bad, but little things and now he's suspicious of me. So, overall, I don't like him because he's observant as a hawk, called you a very mean word, makes me question my sexuality, and hates my guts because I told Nepeta to lick him, she didn't, and because I wear shades.”

“Question your sexuality?”

Dave groans and thumps his head on the table, hard enough to make him regret doing it. Hopefully it doesn't bruise, that would be embarrassing to explain to everyone else. “Of course that's all you hear from that,” he murmured into the glossy, daily polished wood. It’s almost scary how everything is so clean and tidy, that’s a lie, but it’s a messy cluster in which everything has it’s own place, considering how he’s never seen Mrs. Lalonde clean. Rose or Roxy, who he met once before she went to college, hasn’t seen her either, and he knows for a fact that there are no maids present to take the blame. It’s just the three of them, six if you count the three evil hairballs. Maybe it would've been different if there was another dude in the house to dirty things up, shit Bro would've had a field day with his puppets..what the fuck. No! Is Dave actually missing him? It's been a year, he should have no remorse for the asshole who made him want to die and made him close to death on multiple occasions. If he should be missing anyone, it should be Dirk! Dirk _never_ hurt him on the rare days they hung out. What the fuck is wrong with him?!

Without warning, there’s a hand on his back, rubbing reassuring circles in almost as if Rose was giving him a massage. One, he’s perfectly fine, he’s shaking just a little bit. Two, he almost doesn’t catch the way her hand falters when he flinches away from her, but he does, and guilt floods him to the bone. Why does she put up with him? Oh that’s right, they’re fraternal twins, _(no not identical no matter how much they look alike and plus, she has a darker shade of blonde hair)_ , who exited the same vagaina together, she’s stuck with him. She doesn’t want to be, he could tell, he doesn’t even need to read her mind..he could if he truly wanted too.

**_I wonder what set him off this time, I’m actually surprised this is out of the blue. I shouldn’t be, given how fragile he is, anything could set him into a panic attack. It’s just be so long since he’s had one,-_ **

He choked, pressing his palms down hard on the stable table, focusing on that to bring himself back. “Rose, stop thinking,” he spat out, pushing himself up and turning to glare at her, not that she would be able to tell with his shades. Fragile? He didn't want her pity during the move and he sure as hell doesn't want it now. He's not fragile, Bro made sure of that. And even if he's not what Bro envisioned, the asshole is nowhere near him to punish him for it. She quirks an eyebrow, and gives him a glare of her own, her’s is near perfection, “I thought that we agreed on not reading my mind. What happened with that?” The chair skits on the floor when he pushes it back, creating a sound that has his hair standing up, and then standing in front of her. Towering over her short frame. How the hell did he not hear her getting up before? “Well, when you have powers, you tend to ignore rules that are stupid. If I have the power to read minds, I’m going to read fucking minds.”

She frowns at that, “Dave, you’re being a dick.”

He opens his mouth to report back, boiling anger that bubbles to the surface yells at him to do so, to make her cry and feel the pain he was treated to for years, but instead he deflates. His shoulders slump forward and he lowers his head, more than embarrassed at his random outburst, “I’m sorry.” He’s ashamed. If she was confused on how quickly his mood changed, she doesn’t say anything about it as he walks past her and up the stairs. Fuck, did he mess up hugely. He..acted like Bro in a way, sure Bro would of slapped her instead of shouting, but what difference does it make? Rose is wrong, even if it’s been over a year, he’s still broken. No therapy sessions or drugs they give him can fix that. Strangely enough, he doesn’t plan to stay in his room.

He’s been doing it since the second week of him living there, it was too much new and he needed an escape. It was a big house, but he still felt like the walls were closing in and he was going to be crushed. So, he had opened the window and jumped out, there was a tree branch just in reach if he leaped for it, annnd he totally leaped for it. In what world would he not?

Dave repeats the steps of that first night and the many after it. Locks his door, puts the chair in front of it, makes a body pillow so if by chance “mommy dearest” looks for him, she’ll think he’s sleeping. (She’s never sober enough to think otherwise or look more closely). Rose already knows because they ran into each other one night, she blushed when he asked _(“Kanaya?”)_ and he scowled when she asked _(“John?”)_. He grabs a sweatshirt from the ground, sniffing it once before putting it on, he had to make sure it’s sort of clean and the sniff test never fails. Except that one time. He shudders when thinking of it. It’s not like he doesn’t do laundry, he does his own perfectly well (he had to learn at a young age, but back then he only had only two outfits, so it was easier than the millions clothes Mom got him), he just procrastinates like no tomorrow. The clothing will probably keep him warm, he never watches the news or check the weather, so if it's snowing, then that would rock. He would be freezing to death, but it would be worth it.

He’s still taken aback that the sun is already down at 4:30, in Houston it wasn’t down till five-thirty or six. Timezones, he guesses, or it’s just that part of the month. It's been a couple hours since the sunset, so it's gonna be colder than normal.

He opens the window, pushing back the hood of his signature red sweatshirt to attempt to see better, and jumps. He snags the branch in a good position, heaving himself up as quickly he could so his weight is more leveled out and so he’s not relying purely on his grip. Falling from this height, this three story height, will break more than some bones. Kill him if he lands incorrectly, not like how Bro taught him. Taught being used in the context of him almost dying and lying in a pool of his own blood for seven hours because he couldn’t get himself up. It wasn’t fun. Dave scales the tree, getting down two minutes faster than he did last time. That’s a new record, he can’t tell anybody about it but Rose and he feels like she’s not going to want to talk to him after what happened in the kitchen.

The night is beautiful, but it’s not his hometown, or even his state. Stars scattered throughout the thick blanket of endless black, the moon his single flashlight for the chilly darkness and the only noise was his footsteps hitting the ground.

Willow, New York is as different as it could get to Houston, Texas. It's a smaller than small town, where everyone knows everyone and their pet’s middle name, and there is no city lights, and no buzzing traffic to help him go to sleep, most of the people here actually don’t have cars. The rich folk do, like Eridan Fucking Ampora’s father or Equ-sweaty something’s fucked up family, and he guesses his own family; the Lalonde girls with the extra person in the household.

Dave remembers how it was when he first got there, how he could hear the rumors when he walked down the school halls or getting a Coke at the one grocery store there is. He hadn't realized that Rose and her- fuck, his family were as rich as they are. He wondered why his mother never helped them, Bro and him, out, but then Rose explained to him that she couldn't find him. That Bro took him from the house and disappeared to the night.

Dave slows to a walk, the mansion he lives in is actually not in the town, but a twenty minute drive away in a secluded forest. It equals about three hours and forty-two minutes with thirty four seconds give or take with a slow walking speed to get there and he’s planning on walking slow to get his mind at ease. Sometimes if he wants to, he'll use his bike, it'll get him into town in only thirty minutes, but the goal isn't getting into town. It's trying to get a breath in when your lungs are clogged with gears and oil. Just a moment of peace where he doesn't have to read anyone's mind, and he may fear the dark, where anything can lurk, however his music blocks everything out. Just like good music should.

Part of him hates how far away the mansion is, how it takes him fucking three hours to get into town, but it's how it is. Eridan doesn't even have a mansion, so take that fish-obsessed fuck.

He puts the earbuds in his ears, turning the rap music up as high as it goes. Dave can't even remember who the artist is, some random fuck trying to make it big more than likely. When he gets into town, he'll chill at the park, maybe stop at John’s for a quick hang out and maybe the chance to spend the night. Maybe this time Daddy-o would be cool and not drive him home, stupid caring father worried about his son's health for staying up so late. Dave goes to bed at one in the morning and he's getting perfect grades, okay B's and C's but that's only because he doesn't do his homework. Homework is so fucking dumb.

He checks to make sure the music is high, sighing when it can't turn up anymore. He needs new earbuds, he wants his music to drown out his thoughts.

Too soon is he in town. He shoots a text to Egbert, asking him if he wants to chill at the park, before walking to the park himself. Egdork will probably not come, he will go off on how it's too dangerous and how it is the perfect time to be kidnapped. Nine o'clock is the perfect child abduction time, didn't you read it in your pedophile handbook? It's only a ten minute walk to the “dangerous” park from where he is, not that it matters, he would walk across town for it. Dave doesn't care about time really, he's late for almost everything, and he gets lost in the music when he's walking so he doesn't even notice when time passes. Some part of him feels like he should care, like in some other dimension he was all about it, but he dismisses it without another thought.

The park is deserted, given how dark it is, it's not that surprising..but he thought that at least some stoner high schoolers would be there, maybe that one clown dude who _really_ hates his guts for some reason that was never explained or even said. Dave has no clue why the held-back senior wants him dead or in some words, “to pound his motherfucking head into the ground until it motherfuckin’ bleeds and then smear his bright red blood over his bedroom walls as motherfuckin’ wallpaper.” Ya, that wasn't a pleasant experience to have the “top person to shoot up the school/go to jail for life when older” scream at you.

He chills at the swings, a cliche thing to do but what else is he gonna do when he doesn't feel like moving? Dave doesn't swing, no one ever really does, but instead just kicks his feet on the ground to move him a little back and forth. It's getting colder, he feels it on his exposed face and maybe he should of worn another sweater or a beanie or something instead of a stained red sweatshirt that he's had for years, (he's only starting to grow into it). But what's done is done, he can't turn back time, oh god controlling time would be a way cooler power than just reading minds. Then again, it would also be the most exhausting because he would have to keep all the timelines stable and loopholes closed tight. It doesn't seem very fun.

A figure cloaked in darkness emerges in his line of vision, walking slowly and clearly taking their time. So, there's finally a stoner, hopefully they just pass by and don't offer him anything, he really doesn't want a repeat with Gamzee. As they step in the streetlight, Dave second guesses himself, Karkat Vantas couldn't really be coming here, he seems to much of a wimp to come to the park which was well known for drug-dealings and stoners and alcoholics. He may be new, but he's not dumb, and his brother, or father for the matter, has to be Kankri Vantas, the non-certified preacher that warns children of Halloween because one time a kid got lost for eight minutes. Five of which the parents didn't even realize he was gone. Kankri would of never let him come here alone at the time, or even come at all.

Karkat sees him too, don't think he doesn't sees the falter of his step and his shoulders hunching closer together. Dave can't make out his facial expression, so he's imagining his eyebrows knit together in confusion and his mouth turning downwards in a frown. Or a scowl. His expressions are very fucking easy to read, he’s like an open book if you’ve ever saw one. The shorty is very clearly dressed for the freezing weather, a dark brown scarf, a black beanie, a overcoat with more than likely thick cotton sweater under, and that was either jeans or pajama pants. He's moving again, closer and more quickly until he can make him out when he's just ten feet away.

“Kitkat, didn't expect to see you here. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”, Dave starts before the ginger cuts him off, and the blonde stares at his mouth as it moves rapidly, he sees a curse word on there every couple seconds. Dave can't hear him, his sweet beats are way too loud. The mouth stops, and his earbuds are rudely ripped out from his ears.

“What the fuck Strider, were you even listening to me? Jesus fuck, I could hear your sexist music from ten feet away, do you even know how stupid that is? You can lose your hearing!”, he holds Dave's left earbud away from him to shout right into his ear, okay Mr. You Lose Your Hearing, you are being just a tad hypocritical. He got really close all the sudden to rip out your music, but it seems like he got unnecessarily too close to do so, his face is just a couple centimeters away. Dave can count all of his million freckles that contrast so sharply against his pale skin, from the ones on his flushed cheeks to the ones of his chin. His face is oddly symmetrical, if he cut right down the middle, both sides would still look exactly the same. He feels Karkat's breath on him when the other teen rants about how stupid he is, and it's...cold. Not minty cold like he just chewed some iceberg gum, but cold as in this wind on this fucking freezing night.

Is that normal? It's normal, why is he freaking out about it, maybe it's because Karkat's eyes are really distracting. Red, he realizes with a shock, not dark brown like he originally believed, before he wasn't nearly as close. Now, he's close enough to kiss.

His eyes are still brown, this deep ocean of different browns swirling around, but there's millions, billions, of tiny specks of bright blood red all around in them. Red just like Dave's red...

**_How the fuck is this kid still alive?! He's wearing a fucking sweatshirt on the coldest day of the year, no thanks to me and my fucking break down, crap he's absolutely freezing. Should I give him my scarf? Fucker, is he even listening to me? He's just staring at me, at least I think he's staring, with no emotion. Why am I even worried about a dick I just met today?_ **

“Stop.”

He pulls back, his frown deepening if that's possible, “Stop what? You're the one who's sta-”

Dave cuts him off quickly, his voice lacking any emotion to give him away, “Stop caring. You don't need to be worried about me. I'm perfectly fine.” He is, in Texas he would get heatstrokes all the time and he always survived them. Hyperthermia couldn't be that different, it just makes you cold instead of hot. Also, how does having a panic attack lead to a fucking blizzard? Maybe if you had ice powers or something and couldn't control them, but Dave knows there's only one freak here: him.

“Fine, fucking asshole. Where do you live? You need to get somewhere warm stat, or you're going to be the idiot who got hypothermia because he stayed outside on the coldest day of the year. Did you even see the news? It's going to fucking snow soon.”

Karkat takes his scarf off, a handmade knitted scarf that he absentmindedly recalls seeing Rose work on once, and wraps it around the his neck without even asking him vocally. Oooo, it's cold, like you put it in the freezer overnight, but Dave doesn't have the heart to tell the caring dude in front of him. He does protest though, going off about how he's a strong, independent woman who doesn't need no man to help him, but the ginger just waves it off and asks again where he lives. If he couldn't read his mind to see that Karkat's genuinely worried, then Dave would think he's a stalker. It's cute how he's all worried, they had mostly one-sided conversations and this dude is scared that Dave's gonna get hyperthermia instead of just leaving him alone. That begs the question, why is he here in the first place?

“Fine, but if you wanted to have some fun, you could've just asked me. I bet you know a great way of warming up -ouch- okay it's in the forest. I can go now and be out of your hair,” but crabbykat has to be a stubborn fucker. “Fuck no, as if I would like to do anything with you! I would rather choke on Equius’s dick and god knows how sweaty that would be. Any-fucking-ways, I’ll walk you home, wait no, not like that. I'm just worried that something could happen, I mean you are perfectly idiotic enough to walk in a pothole and John would be so mad at me if I willingly let you go to break your legs.”

“Dude, no, it's like a three hour walk. I wouldn't want to put you through that.”

“Three hour walk!? What the fuck, Strider. That's it, you're staying with me for the night. I would get my brother to drive you home, but he's at work. Why the fuck he has the weirdest schedule, I have no fucking clue, he's such such an assfaced buttshitter than he doesn't tell me anything.”

“Bro, I barely know you. What makes you think that I'll go to your house?”

Karkat bites his lip and wrings his hands together nervously, Dave feels the anxiety coming off of him in waves without even needing to read his mind. He does anyways, the poor little dude is absolutely freaking the fuck out.

**_Fuck, he's right. I'm just a random fucking stranger, but it's freezing, he'll totally get sick if he walks home. I- I can call John, he'll know what to do. He was supposed to show up anyways, I wonder where he is. He wouldn't stand me up, right? Of fucking course he would, who would love someone like me? I'm a freak._ **

Dave backs off then, because it was getting really personal and against all rumors, he doesn't want to get all up in people's businesses, he knows he doesn't like anyone getting in his. Plus, he also felt like he was breaking bro code with someone he doesn't know all that well, now he knows Karkat has a raging boner for his best bro, who is totally and completely straight. Not like Dave himself, who's in this blurred mess because of the ginger in the first place. Not cool to mess someone up sexually. It's not that big of a deal, he knows he doesn't want to date Vantas; they did just met. He just thinks he's cute, really cute, really fucking cute. Ya know, straight things.

Mom Lalonde wouldn't care if he does spend the night, he doesn't think, and Rose would concerned if he doesn’t come back, but he can just shoot her a text. She wouldn't worry until it was like four in the morning (she gets up _early)_ and he wasn't there. He also has a thing for seeing people's houses? Plus, Karkat looks about ready to have another panic attack and Dave is shit at comforting people.

“Okay, ya know what, I’ll bless your home today. Lead the way, Senpai-chan.”

“Don’t fucking call me that, just- ugh start walking!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty strilonde tree up in here to avoid confusion  
> Adults:  
> Rani Lalonde, also known as "Mom Lalonde" or "Mother Dearest": Mother of the twins, Dave and Rose, and aunt of Roxy Lalonde. Alive.  
> Dane Strider, also known as "Bro": Father of the twins, Dave and Rose, and uncle to Dirk Strider. Unknown if alive or deceased.  
> Devyn Strider: Father of Dirk Strider, younger brother of Dane Strider, and uncle to Rose and Dave. Deceased to the media. (also he's Alpha Dave but his name can't also be Dave so I changed it to Devyn)  
> Rayna Lalonde: Mother of Roxy Lalonde, older sister of Rani Lalonde, and aunt to Rose and Dave. Deceased. (also she's Alpha Rose but her name can't also be Rose so I changed it to Rayna)
> 
> Children:  
> Rosetta Lalonde, also known as "Rose" (14): Daughter of Rani Lalonde and Dane Strider, twin of Dave, cousin of Roxy and Dirk. Alive.  
> David Elizabeth Strider, also known as "Dave" (14): Son of Rani Lalonde and Dane Strider, twin of Rose, cousin of Roxy and Dirk. Alive.  
> Dirk Strider (19): Son of Devyn Strider, cousin to Rose and Dave. Unknown if alive or deceased (supposedly went to college with plans to call, never called, no one had been in contact with him for over a year)  
> Roxy Lalonde (18): Daughter of Rosetta Lalonde, cousin to Rose and Dave. Alive. (moved in with her aunt when her mom died, recently gone to college)


	6. my mind is a home i'm trapped in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not broken. Your mind is just built differently, get to know it, have a little chat with yourself. The most complicated minds tend to be the most beautiful ones, just don’t let it use you, learn to cooperate with it.”
> 
> -happylilprompts (tumblr)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't at all like this chapter? It was hard to write, and I feel like it skips around scenes in a non-flowing manner.  
> and I don't know how to write sounds, so bzzz is what you get lol  
> the flashback sucks sorry  
> Also, I can't write Kankri for the life of me, or Porrim for that matter and that's why she has no words.
> 
> Their texting is basically facebook messenger, so nicknames, and facebook is how they all met.

You breathe in deeply, counting to ten before letting it go. Kanaya’s breathing exercises were helping, you no longer feel the need to jump off a bridge into shark infested waters.

_ bzzzz bzzzzzzzzz bzzz _

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and for a second you were confused, you don’t recall turning the sound off. Sighing, you take it out and answer, turning the volume up so it’s not on silent anymore. It’s your brother. He’s too quiet, and asking just meaningless stupid shit like oh did you make any new friends? Fuck off.

“Kankri, shut up and get to the fucking point”, you bark into your phone. Ten minutes after you have a little sobfest, your idiotic brother now calls you out of the blue. Now, it’s not like you were worried or anything, maybe along the lines that you have no idea what he does for a living or his hours so he could be dead in a ditch somewhere and you would have no idea. It would be great if he tells you anything, but nooo, he has to keep you in the dark of everything. 

You actually don’t know really anything important about him, he left for college when you were five and came back exactly every Christmas until the year you turned eleven. He was so uptight that a ruler up his ass was an understatement and he would scold you on the smallest fuck up you would do, he expected so fucking much of you! Therefore, the impression you got from him was that he was superior than you and your father. Not a very good thing to think of your older brother. You've had phone calls, sure, but all of those times he's talked about Cronus or his friends before derailing the conversation back to you. Not to mention he was  _ so much _ older, thirteen years is a big fucking difference when it comes down to it, so you never really clicked.

Whenever you asked your father, he would dismiss you with a “Kankri is an unique individual and that is all that there is to be said on the manner.” It was so annoying, and it gave you the feeling that the two didn’t like each other. Scratch that- you know that Kankri hated how your father was raising you. It was the last time you saw Kankri before you moved in, the last Christmas before he stopped coming.

 

_ “Jesus Kankri, I get it. You don’t want to have any part with me, but I will not have you take Karkat away!” _

 

_ You couldn’t see them, but that was, wholly and utterly, your father’s voice. You’ve only heard him use that tone when you’ve really fucked up, not even that, but when you’ve done something so outrageous that it made your father turn into Satan’s best friend. Both times he’s spoken to you like that was when you were practicing your powers.  _

_ And “take Karkat away”, what was he going on about?  _

 

_ “Kamari, you know it’s safer with me. I am only looking out for Karkat’s best interest! He’s still so young and he deserves to have a normal life.” _

 

_ “He’s having a perfectly normal life here-” _

 

_ “Being carted around, moving place to place so often that he never makes any friends? He’s  _ **_lonely.”_ **

 

_ “Maybe if you visited more often than that would change.” _

 

_ That was the vocal equivalent of a stab, and if  you were John then you would of said, “Shots fired.” You, as much of an asshole Kankri is, missed him from time to time, so you could piggyback that statement. Course, you still has no freaking idea what they’re arguing about. _

 

_ “..When I left, I thought you were perfectly clear on where I stood.” _

 

_ “You don’t want to have any part with Sgrub.” _

 

_ “Yes, and that stands with him as well.” _

_ What’s Sgrub? And why is your brother so against it? Ugh, you don't even want to eavesdrop anymore if it doesn’t make a lick of sense. _

_ “You can’t decide for him, he’s my son-” _

 

_ “BARELY!” _

 

_ “Quiet, you’ll wake him up.” _

_ You moved around a bit to get the pressure off your legs, but accidently lose your balance, you fell forward from the squatting position. Your legs made an ungodly bang on the unclean wood, alerting the other two downstairs of your presence. Crapp, Sollux had told you that your hiding spot was utter bullshit because every move could be heard loud and clear, but it had kept the job keeping you hidden for the most part. _

_ “..Karkat, is that you?” _

_ You scooted your legs out from under you and silently got up, rushing to your room to make it look like you were asleep the whole time. God knows what kind of trouble you’ll be in if they caught you. _

 

“I am sorry, brother. I am at work and will be until midnight, I regret that I forgot to inform you beforehand. Please do not worry about being home alone, I will call my dear friend Porrim to come watch you.”

“NO! I don’t need a fucking babysitter. For god's sake, I can take care of myself.”

“...Are you sure? Karkat, I don’t think that it would be a very good idea. I-I can’t believe I’m even leaving you alone right now. My manager is very direct about my hours. I am calling Porrim, hopefully in the morning we can talk about what we are going to do about my hours.” 

You frown, he sounds on edge, it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that someone was holding a gun to his head when he spoke. He didn’t even point out your bad language. You have a slight feeling why he would feel uncomfortable letting you be alone , but why would he think the house fire was anything but an accident? Unless he knows more than he's letting on. You made sure to never voice your suspicion on it, because it was made very clearly to you that no one knew you were a freak mutant besides your father and you. Did dad have known enemies that you don’t know about? He was very private about the friends he had, you’re not sure if he even had any in the first place. He was a secretive man, but you know- knew him better than anyone else. 

“Kankri, why the hell would it not be a good idea? I've been left alone before, and you said it yourself that this town is the safest you've ever fucking seen. No crimes? You had the best fucking cop in the state?”

No answer.

“No fucking crimes? Were you lying? I wouldn’t put it past you seeing as you never even told me your shitty fucking profession!.”

“...”

“Kankri!”, You pull your phone away from your face and look it over,  _ call disconnected. _ You curse uproariously. He hung up on you, he fucking avoided confrontation like a little bitch. You were right to think that he doesn’t want you there, he’s probably macking on his perv boyfriend like a sex-crazed hormonal teen. So, you assume you have a babysitter now, some chick named Porrim. Fuck, you do not want to be looked after like you’re fucking five.

The best way to deal with this is to rage with your friends of course:

**Me: GUYS, I HAVE TERRIBLE FUCKING NEWS (3:40pm)**

**A LITERAL SHIT WITH GLASSES: what happened? :( (3:47pm)**

**Mother: Yes Karkat What Seems To Be The Problem**

**Mother: Do You Want Me To Come Over (3:47pm)**

**Me: NO, I’M FINE. MY FUCKTARD OF A BROTHER IS THE PROBLEM! HE’S A BIGGER PIECE OF SHIT THAN EGBERT! (3:49pm)**

**A LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT: hey! (3:50pm)**

**bee'2 knee2: oh ya you moved iin wiith hiim, ii remember. diid he get fed up wiith you already? (3:50pm)**

**Me: NO? FUCK, I DON’T KNOW, ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE JUST GAVE ME A FUCKING BABYSITTER LIKE I’M A TODDLER WITH FAT CHEEKS AND A POOP FILLED DIAPER. (3:52pm)**

**bee'2 knee2: aren't you a toddler though? you're 2hort enough (3:52pm)**

**A LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT: sollux is right! you’re so tiny, i didn’t realize it was you when i first saw you today. i always imagined you to be well, taller! (3:55pm)**

**A LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT: wait, dude did you change my nickname??**

**Me: FUCK BOTH OF YOU, I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR OWN DICKS AND DIE (3:55pm)**

**Mother: Why Is Kankri Getting Someone To Watch Over You**

**Mother: Is He Not There (3:57pm)**

_ A LITERAL PIECE OF SHIT (John Egbert) changes his nickname to:  _ who you gonna call?

You groan, angrily typing in your phone that yes, he’s not there and again, no, you’re fine. You’re a bit taken aback when Kanaya says that Porrim's her older sister, but that shock is washed out quickly by annoyance when she texts that she’ll be accompany her when she goes to “babysit” you. Fucking Maryams and their meddling. 

You throw your phone down as it continues to beep from all the incoming text messages from the group chat. As usual, they weren’t helpful at all, and John finally caught on with you changing his nickname so now you owe Sollux five bucks. If only the annoying dipshit waited another fucking day before wiping his glasses! Three days is still impressive, even if it’s Egbert. The obnoxious sounds do not look like they’re going to stop anytime soon, - _ you know they’re talking about you, you just know it-,  _ so you get up from the floor and realize how much of deep shit you’re in.

The snow.

It’s on everything. Layers of it resting on your twin-sized bed, and the fresh, bright white blinds your eyes so harshly that you feel bile climbing up your throat.  _ This _ is the real your father is dead, and you have to get rid of it before anyone else sees it. You feel the temperature drop lower, past freezing, and focus even while your heart is pulsing irregularly.You can do this, you’ve done it before.

Keeping your eyes closed, the ice bites at your skin with sharp, glacial teeth as you picture the snow melting rapidly. The white fades into clear water and you lose your control on it when it gets to that point. You feel your breath being taken from you, and you drop to your knee, hands wet from landing in puddles.

You open your eyes.

 

\--

 

“Thanks for the food, Porrim.”

She hums a response behind your back, you can feel her green eyes on you as you abscond back to your room. She’s alright, you suppose, if not passionate but there was this underlying tension that Kanaya could of easily break if she was here.The reason she wasn’t was because she has to study for an upcoming test, John told you that Dave said that it was code for when Rose was coming over. Good for her, you suppose, though you would've preferred if she had told you herself. That’s the second time you’ve been kept out of the loop and you know it’s not going to be the last time. You really thought you were closer to Kanaya, this fucking burns.

There’s a couple messages from John when you were eating, and you feel yourself smile despite you trying not too.  _ He’s not a homosexual, Karkat, _ you woefully remind yourself. Even if your nicknames for each other are Sebastian and Flounder, from your favorite Disney movie, The Little Mermaid. Even if he’s the one who set them because he remembered when he didn’t have to. That’s just regular “bro” things.

**flounder: hi! (8:26pm)**

**flounder: karkat?? (8:40pm)**

**flounder: are you eating dinner?**

**flounder: who eats dinner at eight, that’s so late (.8:46pm)**

**Sebastian: CALM YOUR FUCKING TITS, EGBERT. I’M BACK**

**Sebastian: ALSO, PORRIM APPARENTLY.  BY THE WAY, SHE’S A FUCKING HORRIBLE COOK.**

**Sebastian: I SEE WHERE KANKRI LEARNED.**

**Sebastian: FUCKING HELL, DON’T TELL KANAYA THAT. (8:48pm)**

**flounder: promise ;) (8:48PM)**

**Sebastian: IF YOU TELL HER, I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL GO TO YOUR HOUSE AND STORM UP YOUR STAIRS TO YOUR ROOM. YOU WON’T FUCKING SEE ME COMING AS I BARGE IN, GRABBING YOUR FACE AND PLUGGING MY NAILS INTO YOUR EYE SOCKETS. YOU’LL SCREAM AND BEG FOR FUCKING MERCY, BUT I’LL ONLY LAUGH. YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG PERSON, BULGELICKER.. (8:49PM)**

**Sebastian: JOHN? (8:50PM)**

**Sebastian: DOUCHEPRICK, YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING IGNORING ME, YOU SLIMEBAG! (8:51PM)**

**flounder: jesus karkat, sorry but i was talking to dave!**

You snarl in disgust at the name. John had mentioned talking to Dave before, but you never really cared or thought about it twice really. However, after you’ve met him in person you can say he’s the most  unattractive, disdainful assfucker you’ve ever had the misfortune of meeting and you have no fucking idea why he’s John’s “best bro”. Dave can go jump off a twelve foot story building, dying in a puddle of his own blood. 

**flounder: also, that sounds like something terezi would say :(**

**flounder: i don’t think you’ve met her, that's good for you, she’s a bitch. >:0**

**flounder: hey, i have an idea!**

**flounder: you're not busy, right? (8:56pm)**

**Sebastian: IN WHAT WORLD WOULD I BE BUSY? I HAVE HOMEWORK IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN, BUT IT'S ALMOST DONE. (8:56pm)**

**flounder: wanna go to the park? :B (8:58pm)**

**Sebastian: WHAT CRAPPYASS PARK? (8:58pm)**

**flounder: the park at the corner of 8th! it's by the general store? (8:59pm)**

That one. You saw it with Porrim when you went to get “things”, she didn't tell you exactly what she was getting and you didn't want to know. You look back to the texts, and see that you've been replying almost instantly to John when he texts back, while he replies to you after a minute or two. You wait purposely to not seem like a desperate idiot.

**Sebastian: OH YA, THAT ONE. WHY? (9:01pm)**

**flounder: because it'll be fun, i swear. you won't regret it, plus you said it yourself that you have nothing to do. (9:03pm)**

**Sebastian:..FINE, BUT IF I GET IN TROUBLE IT'LL BE ON YOUR FUCKING ASS. (9:04pm)**

**flounder: deal! (9:04pm)**

You turn your phone off and get ready, you fucked up the weather a sure fucking lot. You feel guilty, it was supposed to be a perfect evening, but now it's going to storm, a fucking blizzard. You were going to stay inside all night, watch a movie, cry yourself to sleep, it’s what you call the daily routine of self-loathing. Though, once John invites you to anything than you go batshit crazy and do whatever he says like a puppet on strings. Or a trained mutt. Fuck, you are so pitiful that you’re getting second-hand embarrassment for  _ yourself.  _

After finishing wrapping up the fashionable scarf Kanaya gave you, you step into the cramped bathroom to see how you look. Your peculiar eyes stare right back at you in the clear mirror, thin, cracked lips frowning, and you can see you broke out near your hairline, but if you pull your bangs in front of it then no one can tell. You hate how you look. Everything about you is ugly, inside and out. Why would you ever imagine that someone as cute as John would ever look twice at you, you’re tiny and could pass as a kid. He said so himself. 

You don't want to go, not surprising, but you force yourself to walk down the hallway, passing by pictures of people you don’t know, and shove words out of your mouth to call to Porrim so no one calls the cops when they can’t find you in your room, “I’M LEAVING FOR A WALK, I’LL CALL YOU IF I NEED ANYTHING.”

And then you leave.

The walk to the park in uneventful and boring, when you get there is where things get interesting, because you see one Dave Strider on the swings. He’s not even swinging, just going back and forth slower than a snail. A dark burgundy hoodie that he has on causes him to blend in the background more than stand out, but his hair sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s so pale, and you’re hit, a sucker-punch to the stomach, with how much to looks like snow. The night hides him easily, a blanket of darkness covering his form, yet you can still picture it bright as day. It curls around his ears, and lays perfectly on his face without a stand out of place, it looks like he puts no effort in it and for all you know, he might. It makes him look like an angel. 

You’re five feet away from him before your brain catches up with your feet. He has those annoying shades on again, even if it’s pitch black, and rap music is  _ blasting _ from those earbuds. Something about big butts, what the fuck? 

“ Kitkat, didn't expect to see you here. What brings you to my neck of the woods?”, he says nonchalantly. You wish you knew where he was looking at.

“Fuck off, you don’t own this place. And John invited me here, shiteater. I have no fucking clue where he is though, not that I care! The best thing to ever happen to me will be the day he goes to help some old fucker and the grandma turns out of be some assassin, who guns him down. Wait, that’s too pleasant of a death for him! Maybe some crazyass canibials can kidnap him and tear him limb from limb. His skin is probably delicious! That would be so fucking great that I’m smiling just thinking about it!”

He’s just sitting there, looking at you with no expression on his face. He’s literally void of any emotion and that is the domino that tips you over the edge.

You walk right up to him and lean in close, yanking that dark earbud out of his ear, “What the fuck Strider, were you even listening to me? Jesus fuck, I could hear your sexist music from ten feet away, do you even know how stupid that is? You can lose your hearing!”. The teen shrugs, shaking his head to the left to get his very blonde bangs out of his eyes. Shades? You’re wondering if Strider’s even okay, he’s barely wearing enough clothes to last in this weather, and then you’re berating yourself for caring about him in the first place. Then again, you are the one who caused this shithole of a weather, you panicked and look where it got you.

“Stop."

You pull back, still holding the earbud, which is still blaring offensive lyrics that would give Kankri a heart attack, as you look at him with mind boggled confusion. Stop what? You didn’t do anything beside yell at him and rip his music out of his ears.. Wow, you are a terrible person, but you’re not taking the fucking blame for it. “Stop what, you’re the who who’s sta-”

He cuts you off quite fucking rudely, “Stop caring. You don't need to be worried about me. I'm perfectly fine.” You raise your eyebrows, (you can’t raise just one, but you bet that a cockeating bastard like Strider can), because he does not look fine. You can see him shaking, and it’s as if he doesn’t even notice it. You should give him your scarf, since you doubt you can get frostbite or hypothermia. Oh, what a sick fucking joke that would be. This just in: Boring, asshole, not as cool, knock-off version of Jack Frost dies from being a fucking moronic imbellic! 

“Fine, fucking asshole. Where do you live? You need to get somewhere warm stat, or you're going to be the idiot who got hypothermia because he stayed outside on the coldest day of the year. Did you even see the news? It's going to fucking snow soon.”

You do give him your scarf, because contrary to belief, you have a heart. It’s cracked and hanging by the stems, yet by some miracle it still works. You would feel like absolute garbage if he got sick, you might not know him and your first impression of him is a fuckboy with self confident issues, but he’s in the same friend group you’re in. Also, you’re not a terrible person. Imagine that, right?

You still hate his fucking guts, don’t forget that. The two of you banter back and forth before he drops the ball that he lives three motherfucking hours away! You’re worried because how the hell did he get here, did he- oh he totally fucking walked. He could've gotten mugged or kidnapped or any scenario that involves him getting hurt, he’s just so dumb and you are now aware why you worry about him. He’s obviously is the type of person that could care less about what happens to him.

“Three hour walk!? What the fuck, Strider. That's it, you're staying with me for the night. I would get my brother to drive you home, but he's at work. Why the fuck he has the weirdest schedule, I have no fucking clue, he's such such an assfaced buttshitter than he doesn't tell me anything,” you rant, dropping the earbud that he caught quickly. You hadn’t noticed he turned off his music.

“Bro, I barely know you. What makes you think that I'll go to your house?”

Fuck, you are a stranger to him, and every time you’ve spoken to him, it's been an insult. There was a chance you could call John, he’s better in situation like this, but where the fuck is he? He asked you to come to the park, and that generally means he’s supposed to be there. There are possible explanations, and you’re going with the “he stood me up because I’m a freak” one. 

“Okay, ya know what, I’ll bless your home today. Lead the way, Senpai-chan.”

You bristle, you’re no one’s senpai so thank you Strider for reminding you how no one could ever love you. “Don’t fucking call me that- just ugh! Start walking!”

He gets up from the swing, awkwardly and out of place like his leg fell asleep, “Hard to do that when I don’t the direction I’m supposed to be walking.”

You roll your eyes, it might be too dark for him to see it but you could give no fucks at this point. Turning around, you start towards home, not turning back to see if he was following. If he had half a brain he would, but if he ran the other way, would it be that bad? You’re definitely not looking forward to playing host for the night. Not once did you think of calling his parents to see if they can pick him up, you somehow feel like there’s no one who cares. 

You would know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of mysterious shit happening  
> what's Sgurb?  
> hint: it's not the game okay i'm just unoriginal  
> My favorite parts are when Dave or Karkat think something like: "Maybe if you had ice powers or something and couldn't control them, but Dave knows there's only one freak here: him." or "He would have to be a mind reader to know that." and you're screaming because it's so obvious bc these two couldn't be discreet for the life of them, but then again, would you really believe some person you just met had powers? Exactly. 
> 
>  
> 
> Comments give me life, literally, I am hunching over my computer, dying, but reading a comment makes me brighten up and write more. I try to respond to all! And I'll more than likely give away secrets and things if you ask, also your theories make me just so fricken happy.


	7. and it's lonely inside this mansion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is porrim? she's chilling in kankri's bedroom so karkat and dave can have some "alone time".  
> i noticed that i've been making it seem like all Kanaya does is snog Rose and I'm sorry. you'll figure out why though in later chapters if i can get my head out of my ass  
> i can not write kankri for the life of me, i am so so sorry my dudes  
> #holyshitdaveisnotokay

 

“So, you want to tell me why exactly you were out there in the first place?”, Karkat offers him the mug of hot chocolate, stream coming off and fogging up his shades, and he takes it with caution, the tips of his fingers sweltering where they grip the drink . The ginger doesn't seem like the murdering type, and since Dave has the power to tell what humans are thinking, he knows this for a fact. It’s a bad habit that he hasn’t managed to shake off, the not trusting people thing. People don't casually think that someone offering you a drink is planning on poisoning you. “Dude, don’t tell me you’re blind,” he replies casually, lowering the coco down from his lips. It’s way too hot to drink right now, he’ll burn his lips and tongue if he attempted. 

“No, Strider, I’m not fucking blind. Are you deaf? Because it sure as hell seems like you can’t answer a fucking simple question as why you were sitting outside with only a grainy hoodie to keep you warm in under freezing fucking temperatures! Or are you just dumb? Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me you have at least some braincells up there in that empty space you call a skull.”

“..You done?”, Dave calmly asks. He obviously wasn’t expecting that response, if the second of mouth open, eyebrows knitting together, eyes narrowed, overall expression of “what” could go by anything, but he recovers nicely, a little bit sloppy but Dave can work with him on that later. “Yeah, so now can you answer politely considering I allowed you into my home when I don’t know jack shit about you."

The blonde inspects him behind a dark mirror, reflecting what he sees back to the ginger; a mirror that can hide his insecurities and fears, and after a beat of a minute, shrugs. “I wanted to go for a walk, so I walked and ended up at the park. Why’re you out there?” Carcat reddens, his hands picking at a stray string from his sweater. He took off the overcoat when they got inside. “Uh, me too. I took a walk too.” 

A lie, but Dave understands not wanting to tell a practical stranger, acquaintances considering it’s been a week, that you have a few classes with that the reason you were a park at nine at night was because you were going to meet your crush, who didn’t even show up.

“Cool.” He took this time to look around the house, totally one-hundred percent expecting to see crosses and general Christian things, and he thinks that with not meaning any offence to Kankri. The man just is- a big pain in the ass who shouts his beliefs fucking everywhere. It was a quaint home, if you looked or a more practical Rezi word, smelled, past the bleach and overwhelming cleaning products. Seriously, Dave knows the preacher is a germaphobe, but even in his own house? 

“Yo, what the fuck is up with your uncle or dad, why you suddenly living with him. I don’t know what he is for you. Could be a kidnapper, just saw you walking down the street and mistook you for a kindergartner. Then, holy jesus you’re in the back of the white van because that candy is just too good to pass up. Didn’t you learn in Ohio never to take candy from strangers, much less actually go in the evil white van? The good thing is that your kidnapper is obsessed with cleaning shit, you'll be all nice and clean when he goes to eat you.”

Karkat’s eyebrows are raised, patiently waiting for him to stop talking and Dave notes how hard the kid’s trying to seem relaxed when he’s more tensed than a spring, “Firstly, has anyone ever fucking told you that you need to learn how to shut the fuck up. I bet they have, but you’re too stupid to understand. Basically all there is too it is closing your fucking mouth! Secondly, Kankri is my brother and- something happened in  _ West Virginia _ so I’m living with him until I’m done with Highschool. And he has OCD, which is a lot for serious than being just obsessed with cleaning.” 

**_My father fucking died but he doesn’t need to know that._ **

“Sweet, I’m originally from Texas. I moved here last year, so I guess I have to thank ya from taking my spot as the new kid. Everyone was pretty surprised to see me, ‘specially when I moved into the Lalonde mansion, so just think ‘bout how they react to Mr. Stick Up His Ass getting a roommate.” 

He chuckles, wiping his hands on his pants, “That explains your accent. I was wondering where you got it.”

Dave is painfully aware that he sounds like a character from Sweet Home Alabama, but he was hoping that it wasn’t obvious; it’s hells of uncool to be a Texan in a small patriotic town that hates the fact that in the Civil war, the South wasn’t bombed into nonexistence. “Hey, don’t diss the accent.” Karcrab tisks, “I can diss whatever I damn please, you nozzlefucker.”

“Wow, rude. And here I thought that we were getting along,” he holds his arms up to block the plush pillow he throws at him, “And what the fuck is a nozzlefucker? Do I fuck nozzles? Or does the nozzles fuck me?”. That earns a lengthy groan as another fluffy object hurls towards him, and he swats it to the side, where it hit his hot chocolate.  _ Fuckkkk.  _ Both of them sit upright as the cup wobbles, both holding their breath and Dave reaches out to steady it when it suddenly tips over. He would later say that at least the liquid getting all over his hands made it so a majority of it didn’t get all over the spotless peach rug.

“SHIT!”, he yanks his hands back. Holy fucking hell it hurts, it’s stinging and his skin is bright red, he has no clue if that’s what it’s supposed to look like or not. Dave knows nothing about water burns, living with Bro meant cooking was always a death sentence and Rose’s mom did the cooking (when she was sober, otherwise Rose was the cook) so he’s never gotten one before. It feels like all of his skin cells are screaming in pain, he might be screaming in pain if he didn’t have a filter. He retreats his eyes away from it and stares at the person who caused this to him, not that he could see it.

“Holy fuck, Dave!”, Karkat shoots up from the couch and reaches as if he’s going to grab his hands before quickly pulling back. “We need to put your hands under cold water before it blisters or fucking gets infected,” and he's trying hard to be mad, but the guilt was so prominent on the ginger’s face. Then again, it hurts like a bitch so he settles for a seething glare as he follows him into the kitchen, swallowing any whimpers of pain that has even the slight possibility of coming out of his mouth. Dave can't show any weakness that Vantas could use against him.

“I am so fucking sorry.”

**_Jesus christ, I can't believe I just did that._ **

“I didn't know it would topple over like that-”

**_To be fair, he did bat the pillow into it and then reached for it-_ **

“Kankri’s kettle over boils the water so fucking much, I was making coffee this morning and almost burnt my tongue like a drunk idiot who's not capable of nothing something right in front of his face!”

**_Motherfucker, I can't believe how badly I've fucked up this time. I invite him to my home and then burn him. Way to go, Karkat. He’s probably so fucking pissed and I deserve it._ **

**_“_ ** It's all good man, it's not like I have to go to the hospital or anything, right?”, Dave reassures him, trying to smooth out some of that anxiety, but instead Karkat’s grip on him tightens where he thrusts both of them under the faucet and he looks even more panicked than before. Shit, maybe he shouldn’t have said that. The cold water hits him and he bites on his cheek to keep from making any noises, however the pain is soothed, marginality, after a few seconds. “No, it’s just a first degree burn, we’ll run it under cold water and then put some antibodies on them. You don’t have to go to the hospital,” he recites like he has it ingrained in the side of his brain. Knowing Kankri, he probably was the one who tattooed it.

Dave stays silent for a few moments, gazing at where Karkles’s holding his wrist gently, he eased himself out of cutting off the circulation from Dave’s not-at-all comfort.  **_Would using my powers work? Th-_ ** He jerks back, unsure what he just read. Powers? Karkat has fucking powers and apparently they can help him with his pain? No, no he must of read that wrong or the shorty is batshit crazy, there’s no way he could have actual honest to god powers like himself, right? That shit is just bonkers.

“Dave, are you okay?” 

Shit, he has to go, leave, something other than staying here, but instead he tells him, “Ya, I’m good. Just thought I saw a rat. I have a secret to make, I’m actually schizophrenic and I imagined you up. You’re not real and you never have been, hate to break it to you, but I figured it was finally time.” His mouth has taken on autopilot and running by itself while his brain is still glitching the fuck out. He is definitely overreacting, Karkat has no chance of actually being some super freak, that shit just doesn’t happen. Even though he’s living proof of it.

His hands hurt again, and he allows the possibly other freak guide his hands back under the water. “I’m going to go get the medicine, stay under the water this time, you stupid, annoying asshat.” He obliges, only because it really does sting if he takes his hands out of the sweet, refreshing liquid. Karkat must of meant nothing by thinking he had “powers”, what are powers anyways? How are they made? Why does Dave have them, and how can he get rid of them? Not that he will, he has a fucking gift and he’s not giving it up anytime soon.

Dave has successfully managed to push the superhero thing to the back of his mind (is that a pun when he has mind powers?) when Karkat returns, some medical shit in his arms. ‘Course he knows most of them, he’s had to stitch up whatever pieces that were hacked off him before the Move. Yet for the second time, he lets Karkat take the lead in helping him. It’s also because he knows absolutely shit about burns, how to take care of cuts, no matter how big, but burns? Burns are something he’s, thankfully, never had before now. He’s a careful fucker and Kitkat seems to know what he’s doing for the most part.

For the lack of silence, something he can  _ never _ stand, he blurts out, “Let’s play Never Have I ever,” then wishes he had his camera on him because the look Karkat gives him is outstanding and hilarious.   ~~and totally not because he looks adorable with his eyebrows furled like that and his mouth partway open huh what?~~  “Are you fucking serious, Strider? Is now really the time to play an adolescent girl’s game that was very frequent at so called slumber parties?”.

Dave declares, “Oh, you would know. Never have I ever been on a plane.”

Crabbycakes groans loudly in displeasure, but plays like Dave already know he was, “Fuck you. How the hell are you supposed to put down your fingers when the burns are mostly on your fucking fingers? You didn’t think this through.” Shit, he’s right. The blonde shrugs, noticing that his hands are all neatly bandaged now and that it kinda looks badass. He’ll totally prank John by telling him he got in a fight because he’s that cool. Maybe. “I’m fine. Put your bitch ass finger down.”

“Go to hell,”  he listens and puts one of his fingers down, “Never have I ever been to the movies.” Dave gaps openly at him, no way in hell that’s not a lie. “And before you accuse me, it’s the fucking truth. Da-. Um, I buy the movies so I can rewatch them however many times I want.”

“That’s so fucking bullshit.” Dave puts one of his fingers down on the hand that’s not as burned, “Never have I ever been to a concert. Locally counts.” Karkat glares at him before stalking off to the couch, he trailing after him, “I hate you. It seems like you know everything I have done and are using it against me.” Surprisingly, given his track record, he isn’t cheating. That would suck all the fun out of it.

“Never have I ever..”

Time passes, two hours holy crap, with them just goofing around. Somehow they ended up with Dave laying upside down on the couch and Karkat sitting right next to him on the floor. He learned a lot of things about Karkat Vantas, mostly pointless facts like Kanaya is his cousin on his father's side, his favorite color is grey (boring as shit), he's planning on entering a career of writing, and his favorite animal is crabs; that sort of stuff. The whole time he kept searching in his mind to find some sort of thing for, any sort of thing, about the so-called powers, but he never thought of it again. It  _ drained _ Dave, he knew it was going to, but he did it anyways.

“I can’t believe that John Egdipshit almost talked you into getting your fucking bellybutton pierced, were you high or something?”, Karkat wasn’t looking at him, his attention was focused on his phone. “Or something,” he agrees and pushes himself up, the blood rushing to his head wasn’t helping his situation at all. He would ask for painkillers if his pride wasn’t so strong, he doesn’t think he would trust them if Karkat did give him some.

“Have you ever gotten high?” The question wasn’t out of the blue, a perfectly normal response question, and Dave could see the hesitation leaking off Karkat in ways as he replied carefully, “I’m fourteen.” He shrugs casually, “So I am and I’ve taken a hit before,” and knowing he’ll see the look of disgust before he even peers over at the other teen, he explains, “Only once. Being high fucked up my game so I never tried it again.”

He murmurs a muffled sound of acknowledgment. The silence was forced and awkward, clenching them in a tight hug that wasn’t the goal of the question. Dave didn't even think twice about asking it and now he regrets it, they had a roll going on and he had to fuck it up by asking the brother of a  _ preacher _ if he's ever gotten high, a bad boy thing. Fortunately the uncomfortable quiet was broken when Karkat’s phone went off with a high-pitched ringtone, both of them jumped, (metaphorically of course) , and he picked it up in a flash. 

“What?...She’s in your bedroom, fucker...I know, okay!....Uh, also I have a friend over, is that okay?...I don’t give a shit that it’s late just like I don’t give a shit that I should be sleeping for maximum amount of hours in a comatose state because it’s ‘good for my health’. You think you would learn what insomnia is, fuckass.” He hangs up with an inked on scowl and takes a deep breath, setting the phone down beside him. “My first week in this godforsaken town and I already want to leave, is that how you felt when you first moved?”.

“Completely. I just wanted to get out and go back to being what was the normal for me, but I couldn’t. Was that Kankri?”, Dave inquiries and Karkat nods, so that cleared up any other questions he was going to ask. It’s strange to think that the red-haired asshole showed up just four days ago, he got here Tuesday and it’s already Friday. They almost never spoke to each other besides mindless jabbing, plus Karkat was always weirdly quiet whenever there were people around/only them alone (which was rare.) He only ever seemed to open up around John (his big homo crush) and Kanaya (his cousin). 

Dave appreciates that Karkat was the one who showed up at the park or else he would never gotten to know him. His company isn’t that bad, it’s..quite nice. The whole powers thing is fucking weird still.

“Hey, you’ve been more quiet in the past twenty minutes than you have ever been since I met you, what the hell’s wrong? If it’s Kankri, then don’t worry. He has his panities in a twist for no reason and if he’s not cool with you staying the night, then he can drive you home. Do you want to go home?”. Karkat has these extraordinary brown eyes, so open and earnest like it would physically hurt him if he tried to keep his face a blank slate. Now, Dave doesn’t really mind it. The lighting is too low to see the red in his eyes, but his freckles pop out against his so very pale skin. “Strider? Hello? Dave!”, the ginger slaps his arm and he jots back, tumbling off the couch into a defensive stance.

He gets up too quickly, and it sends his head reeling. It was a terrible idea to read his mind every ten minutes for two hours straight, a terrible fucking idea. His vision is blurry, yet he can make out Karkat reaching towards him slowly almost as if Dave’s a violent animal. “Calm down, okay? I’m not going to hurt you.” In response to the meant to be resurring comment, Dave pukes.

Pukes on the orderly peach carpet that has small stains in one area that was the hot chocolate.   
“I- I’m sorry,” he blubbers though he isn’t that much because he feels a lot better. Kitkat looks downright horrified, and fortunately dry, before he smirks, “Don’t be. I hated that carpet anyways. Now, what the absolute crap was that just now?! Why the fuck did you puke, please explain to me the reasoning why you thought it would be a good idea to get sick in my house? Ugh, just go take a shower already.” That went from zero to one hundred to zero again, and with the way he’s getting up it doesn’t look like Dave can offer to walk home again. (He’s fairly sure he would pass out in the middle of getting there). 

Karkat leads him to the bathroom, shoving him a handful of clothes that are definitely Kankri's, telling him not to take too long but stay in there long enough to feel better, and then slamming the door in his face. Is this what it feels like to be taken care of? 

It feels good.

Dave doesn’t know how long he takes in the shower, but it was long enough that Karkat didn’t push him back in and short enough that he didn’t get yelled at for wasting all the hot water. When he walks out, fully expecting to get slapped or into a strife, definitely screamed at, he’s sitting on the couch with a thing of tums in his lap and a movie Dave’s never seen playing on the television. “Kankri called again, he’s going to be late so I thought we could watch a movie. It’s an old one, so I hope you don’t mind. Not that I could care if you did, you vomit-producing asseater.”

The vomit is gone, leaving behind another brown stain, so is the smell and he doesn’t know how he managed to get rid of that, it fucking stunk. “I’m down for a movie.” His head is a lot more clear after the shower, (the bathroom was nothing impressive considering Lalonde), and he doesn’t think he’ll throw up again, if he does he’ll do it on his shirt or something so he won’t ruin the carpet some more. Wait, he’s wearing Kankri’s shirt and it’s gross (and frankly rude) to throw up on someone’s shirt in their own home. Dave assumes by now that he has taken the title of worst house guest for the year by now.

The t-shirt is baggy on him, which is odd because he’s moderately sure that he’s taller than Kankri and the only clothing he’s seen Kankri wear is this tight firetruck red turtleneck. It’s white with two zigzag in the middle, it’s so hideous that Kanaya would be shrieking and he wouldn’t blame her.

He sits a few feet away from Karkat, far enough that it’s not weird. He’s embarrassed about what happened, the adrenaline from the ptsd and the nausea and head throbbing back to back was overwhelming and too much for him to handle. Dave's fairly sure he's not going to hurl or do anything else to damage his coolness rep now, he's tired as fuck though. Where's he gonna sleep, anyways? “Eat two of these, they should help calm your stomach. Next time you vomit, you’ll be cleaning it up, bulgelicker.”

He removes two, pops them in his mouth and chews. Paying attention to the movie seems a good idea as any, if it wasn't obvious from the forced flirting of the actors that it's a romantic comedy. Karkat just lost ten points that he worked so hard to gain, how do you feel Mr. Vantas? Your choice in movies is worse than Egderp’s and he’s Nicolas Cage’s certified husband. 

It was a little over halfway, right when the woman is running away in tears, when Dave closes his eyes for a quick rest, only to not open them for the rest of the night. It’s been a tough day. He doesn't see Karkat pulling his shades off or covering him with a blanket, much less him brushing his hair out of his eyes. And even if he did, that no homo card is still on the table.

The door slamming close wakes him up from a light sleep, his sense alert and confused before he remembers he spent the night at Karkat’s. His shades aren’t on his face because when he opens his eyes, he immediately winces at the bright fluorescent light and squeezes them shut. He feels around him, finally catching the edge of them; the sound must of been Kankri coming home. Hopefully everything goes as planned and he doesn’t get thrown out in the street.

“Karkat? Oh, he must be asl- OH GOD!”, the brunette literally  _ jumps in the air _ , his hand  hovering protectively over his heart when Dave sits up, him groaning as his bones crack. That couch shouldn’t be used as a sleeping place, it shouldn’t exist at all. “Sup?”, he offers, holding his hand up for a motionless wave. Dude’s not cool enough for a fistbump. The whole situation gets more awkward and very much worse when Kankri narrows his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, jutting his chin outwards, “I’m assuming you're the friend Karkat told me was spending the night?”

“I wouldn’t exactly call him a friend, we barely know each other. I mean, we’ve obviously gotten to know each other while chilling on your not at all lumpy couch and totally not spilling chocolate on your perfectly nice carpet, much less puking on it. Holy shit, I should shut up now, you did not need to know all of that.” Dave word vomits on the owner of the house he’s staying at, great plan and this why he should really buy that sock that fits perfectly to shut him up. A foot is pretty evidently not working.

“Before you even think about it, don’t integrate him. I know he looks like a douche, and he is, but there’s more to him than what meets the eye.” Karkat coming to the rescue yet again, hell to the yes.

Dave gets up, realizing that the ginger did call him his friend, and he can’t help but feel proud about that. Somehow he knows that Karkat doesn’t give out those titles very easily. Kankri (crap those two names are very similar) goes into the kitchen and wordlessly Karkat follows him. They’re more than likely talking about him in secret to not be rude, so he should probably start to get ready to leave. He knew when he came in that he was going to have to leave at some point, but he wished that at least the sun would be up. It’s like two in the morning, three  hours ain’t that bad, he guesses. Maybe John can take him in for the rest of the night.

His clothes are not where he left them, so he pockets what he has, his phone and earbuds, and slips on his sweatshirt, conveniently on the jacket rack thing before lamentably walking to the door. It’ll be polite to leave so they don’t have to awkwardly tell him to go. It’s best for both parties involved.

He’s halfway out when something pulls on the oversized crappy shirt and he freezes, staring coolly at the accuser. “It’s negative two degrees outside, are you fucking insane?!”, he informs Dave. That’s really fucking cold, considering he’s used to hundred degree weather even after living in this town for a solid year. His brother is leaning on the wall, frowning, but generally looking concerned. Dave’s not going to find out for sure because he really needs to chill before he goes into a coma. He also feels really awkward considering he's in his shirt. 

“Maybe.”

Karkat scoffs and shuts the door closed, then drags him back next to Kankri. “I’m tired and would very like to pass out, can you get your stupid speech on already?” Kankri sighs, they could be twins with how closely they look if it wasn’t for the hair and freckles, “Fine. I’m Kankri Vantas, Karkat is my younger brother. If you have any possible triggers, please don't be afraid to tell me. I already have a list for Karkat, so it wouldn’t be a bother at all. What are your pronouns if you don’t mind me asking, I would hate it if I offended you or outed you in any way. Please don’t use any profanity, I believe that cursing is not ‘hip’ or ‘cool’, but disrespectful.” What the actual fuck. And he’s still talking, he’s still fucking talking. This is so what he expected, but so much worse to have it right in your face and not just walking down the street.

“Yo, I’m Dave Strider,” and Dave’s last name, his face darkens and he cuts in, “Do you happen to be related to Dane Strider? I believe he went by ‘Bro.’” 

....no.

“Y-yes,” he manages to stammer out. this can’t be happening, oh shit oh shit oh shit Bro found him, he knew where he was this whole time karkat was as ploy how could he be so dumb what was he thinking why didn’t he see this coming hE CAN READ MINDS FOR FUCKS SAKE- This is it, he’s going to get dragged back to Bro’s or maybe he’s going to die right here. He would rather die than ever go back to that sick maniac, good memories or not, he can’t ever fucking go back. No one knows about Bro, why would anyone know him besides to get Dave back but he thought Bro hated him, wanted nothing to do with him, why the fuck does karkat's brother know him?! did rose notify him, but she would of never done that maybe she got tired of him or maybe it was mom lalonde she didnt look for him for a reason.

He knows he looks pathetic right now, he can’t stop shaking and there’s literal tears balling up in his eyes, and Bro is going to be so disappointed in him. Six hours before, he wouldn’t have cared, but now he does care that he's very well having a panic attack. Being as emotionless as possible, doing everything he taught him, not fucking everything up, that’ll make him go not easy, but not the hardest he can go with the strife. He knew for a fact that if wqas too good to be true, it fun while it lasted. A year without Bro. 0 days of being Bro free.

Dave doesn’t know how long they stand there, he can’t bring himself to look at Karkat or read his mind, he’s so scared and weak and he knows there’ll be pity in Karkat’s eyes- or the pleased, contentedness. This was all a big set up, this whole fucking time; he can’t believe he was actually considering Karkat a friend. Two hours and you think you know a guy. He closes his eyes and waits for the blow, maybe Bro is already in the house and was just waiting for Dave to fuck up. There was a million other things he could of done, he could've just gone to John’s or walked home even if he would’ve gotten frostbite. It would of been worth it. If only he could be anywhere but here.

“Get out.” Kankri’s voice was cold and malicious, so full of hatred that he’s takes a step back. What- where's Bro, was he outside? Is he there? “Get out of my house.” Dave gawks at him, a loss at words and blinking back tears. “Kankri, what the hell!?! Please for the love of god, tell me you’re not actually considering throwing him out in the street when it’s negative two fucking degrees!”, Karkat stands up for him and for the second time, he’s confused. Do it. He needs to-

**_Oh god, how long was Karkat talking to him? We’ll need to move, I can’t believe- of all people- the scum who killed my father was in this town the whole time?_ **

“I don't know why you're showing your face in my house,” he continues without taking a breath, clenching his hands into fists, "Is it to get close to Karkat? To take him?!". Dave's reflexes are already on edge, and a part of him knows that he would win if Kankri tried to take him in a fight, but another part is screaming danger and how he needs to block to protect his vital organs. Just like with Bro. Defense is more likely to have you survive, while offense is a death sentence. He shifts into a defensive stance, subtly so it goes unnoticed. “You look so much like him, I see it now. What were you expecting, trying to find out some secrets? Karkat knows nothing, so leave him out of this. Now get the fuck out of my house!” He flinches back, and he knows he's hyperventilating by now, Karkat sees it too, “No! He's not leaving, he'll fucking die out there and I'm not going to let you send him to his death.”

 

They start to argue with each other, their voices raising higher and higher; while Dave just stands there, his heart beating faster than it the time ticking away, in the middle of a fucking panic attack, and how it doesn't seem like he can't get any air in his lungs. He's going to die if he doesn't leave, he has to go- this is his way out.  **now.** Instead he gasps air in his lungs, and whispers pathetically, “I didn't k-kill your father.” Karkat's head whips towards him and he shrinks under the fiery gaze when he asks him what he just said. “I said, I didn't kill your f-f-father,” he spoke more confidently, but curls in to himself even more. What is he doing? This is his death sentence.

The teen widens his eyes, about to say something before the only adult in the room cut him off before he could even begin, “Mindreader." They openly stare at him, and his fists twitch. "You- you get out before I make you.” He’s breathless, almost as if he can’t believe the words he’s speaking, but the Strider doesn’t wait to find out. Dave could only realize how badly he's fucked up this time, so he turns around, ignoring his instincts that are shouting at him from years of past experience to never turn his back on his opponent, and runs out into the frigid, cold street. He needs to get as far away as he can, maybe he can go live with Roxy or Dirk? They’ll understand, they’ll protect him. They’ll take care of him.

 

Because it’s obvious that he can’t take care of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent five minutes looking up what to do with a burn, it didnt say anything about bandages but fuck it.  
> DONT DO DRUGS KIDS  
> kankri needs to chill  
> dave wasnt supposed to find out about karkats "powers" in this chapter fuck, but it happened and he's now suspicious woooops  
> karkat is confused  
> i had to rush bc i need to go swim sorry  
> dave is also confused  
> everyone is confused besides kankri


	8. my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics, they're all over the place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who've already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt connected us at a subdermal level, the kind of scars written so deeply in your cells that you can't even see them anymore, only recognize them in someone else.”  
> ― Leah Raeder, Unteachable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys hate filler and no Davekat action then ya'll gonna hate this chapter. ALSO, umm, this is another Dave chapter because of plot reasons? And generally I think you guys enjoy Dave more. 
> 
> A wild Terezi enters the area.  
> (Or something like that, I don't understand Pokemon.)  
> i fixed some things. so if youre seeing this and its updated twice then thats why
> 
> IMPORTANT  
> Do not believe this story on the terms of mental illness, PTSD, and social anxiety. This started out as a crack!fic where Dave can read minds, and it gradually got more serious. I am not an expert, and I have not personally experienced these things, the things I describe are based of research and other fan-fictions.
> 
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  
> Call 1-800-273-8255
> 
> Look at the tags.

The last thing he remembers is loud voices grinding into his ears, drowning out any other noise besides the thumping of his throbbing heart, and sprinting as fast as he could into the eerie night until his fingers and feet were numb to the tips. The gravel crunching under his rugged shoes that were falling apart at the stems and the cold ~~_he was so cold, why was it so cold-_~~ burning down deep in the middle of his fragile bones. He was so sure that he was going to die. That his last moments were going to spent being so fucking cold. Death didn’t become him, that or the afterlife involves a hefty comforter over his body and a hazy fire crackling a couple feet away. He tries to look closely around the unfamiliar place, but is unable to focus his eyes on anything. There’s fuzzy green walls, what may be a portrait of a tall, dark woman with two little girls but their faces are blurry and all the dark colors all mush together, and then a single red rose in a vase of water. He has a sister named Rose, how was she doing anyways? He hopes she’s okay. His thought process is slow from just waking up, and him still being half-asleep.  _ God, _ he’s so tired, when was the last time he slept? He notes that the only light source was the fire, before dropping his head back on the pillow; sleep overcoming him again as the footsteps pass behind the closed door. 

The next time he wakes up, the fire is dead and sunlight is peeking through the grass green curtains. He grunts and struggles to raise his hand to his face, he can tell his shades aren’t on when he sees his fingers are an abnormal shade of bright red that isn’t veiled by the tinted glass. His head is reeling, yet that combined with his half awake state, he still knows that fingers were not supposed to usually look like that. Especially his weirdly scarred, skinny ones. He struggles to keep his eyes open, dropping his hand back on the bedspread because it got too heavy to raise anymore, and his pathetic, half-assed efforts fail in the end.

The final time he wakes up is because of the soft, enchanting music that he can hear faintly coming from behind the door. After rubbing his eyes to shake the drowsiness that held him, Dave falters when he sits up; this obviously isn’t his room. It’s too pristine, too clean, too much like a house you would see in a generic sitcom. That’s his first thought, his second thought is that’s it’s Karkat’s room, but that went out the window as quickly as it came inside. He didn’t  _ stay _ at his traitorous/not-traitorous friend’s house because he left, ran away in the dead of night. So, the obvious answer is the worst one. 

He’s back with Bro.

But Bro doesn’t have pictures of calming, lapping waves at the beach or a small bookshelf that looks more organized than the whole apartment he lives in, and it’s weird that there’s no puppets or smuppets or whatever the fuck Cal was around, but that just means he’s going to get the jump on him. Comparing how he reacted last night with the mere mention of his name, Dave is acting strangely calm about this; (there’s no time to be freaking out or acting scared, he needs to rely on his instincts and survive. God knows how pissed Bro is.)

He slides out from under the quilt, hesitating the moment when he lowers his foot on the ground and recoiling inside himself when the floorboard mildly creaks under his weight. Walking as if he’s not even there come as naturally as riding a bike for the first time after years, it doesn’t go away. (Everything Bro taught him is stuck in his mind like a worn out piece of gum stuck under the desk at a public high school). There’s a framed picture of a gorgeous lady who has to be over six feet tall with a jade colored scarf wrapped around her head and really bright eyes that light up, she’s holding a newborn baby while a ten year old smiles with fake twin fangs peeking out of her mouth. It takes a second to click in his mind that the child looks  _ a lot _ like Porrim, and if that’s Porrim then that’s Kanaya and their mother. 

It means that he’s in their house. His legs shake as he almost lets out a sigh of pure relief, (sure he doesn’t know for sure a so making any sound is still a bad idea), and creeps towards the closed door, slipping his shades on that were sitting on the drawer beside him. Who knows what could be behind the door, hopefully the outlay of Kanaya’s house from what he’s seen during the rare times he’s came to get Rose, (because he got worried when she wasn’t answering her texts, not because their mother noticed her absence and wanted her to come home). His fingers are oddly stiff as he closes them around the doorknob, but he doesn’t think much of it.

He sneaks down the hallway, and into the kitchen, where Mrs. Maryam is humming along to the music as she pulls out a tray of freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies that already make his mouth water, he hasn't eaten in what has to be more than (oh god, it's 2 in the afternoon) twenty hours give or take. It's been awhile since he's seen her, and she’s as tall as he remembers, which is really fucking tall. Dave watches as she sets the tray down on the marble counters, and speaks up, “Mrs. Maryam?” She turns around, taking her oven mitts off, and smiles, “David, I didn’t know you were up. If I did, I would’ve made you a mug of hot chocolate.”

She must've noticed his displeasure because her smile turns sympathetic, “Is that why Karkat texted Kanaya how to treat burns, and how those bandages were on your hands?” He nods, swiftly, and sits on the stool she gestures too. He didn’t even notice those were off. Mrs. Maryam was always nice to him when he was there before, but it doesn’t explain how he got there in the first place. “Um, what happened last night? How did I get here?” God damn, his voice sounds terrible. He bets ten thousand dollars that he looks like shit too. But then Mr. Weasel bets that he looks more like shit than him, but that can’t be true because Dave’s the raging champ of looking like crap first thing after he wakes up. That cursed bedhead will be the death of him.

She sighs and explains, “Kanaya saw you run out of Karkat’s house, and notified me immediately. I alerted the police and then went out there myself, but John was the one who knew where you were. You had ran all the way to the park, and had frostnip by the time we got to you. Everyone was worried, especially Karkat; he wouldn’t have left your side if he had the option. Fortunately, you were okay and didn’t need to be admitted to the hospital, but unfortunately no one could get a hold of your mother. We didn’t even know if you would’ve made it to the hospital, it’s an hour away in a car. We called Rose,” she adds, “She’s here.” 

Okay, that story adds up, he thinks. She believes it is, literally, so it’s just him being paranoid. Again. To be fair, Karkat having powers is becoming more and more likely because the evidence is just piling up. (Who cares if he’s being irrational, and only got suspicious yesterday). Because why the hell does his brother know Bro’s name, they obviously aren't pals with the whole throwing out thing, and oh, he had also forgot that Kankri spelled out in sparkly red letters that he's telepathic. That's fucking great. How long does he have left before the government comes busting out of the windows, or Bro comes bursting through the door? He doesn’t know which one he would prefer. (That’s a lie, he does know.)

“Though, Dave, I think the question here is how are you feeling?”

He stays silent. There’s no way he cam sum up with what he’s feeling, there’s too many emotions swirling around inside of him and he just wants to forget that yesterday ever happened. Fuck, he was doing so well with adjusting, and it backfired all in his face with the simple question: _ ‘who cleans the house?’  _ You know what, he’s is going to make it until he makes it because he swears to everything that one bad day isn’t going to take the rug out from under him. He’ll just..avoid the Vantas family and move in with Roxy, or Dirk (if he picks up the fucking phone for once and not respond with creepy emails), and never see this town again.

Maybe he should just not think right now.

The sound of Maryam’s heels on the tile, she’s walking away, (she’s gone), remind him of his mother, who in which remind him of Rose and how she’s here. He should see her. He hopes she’s didn’t get worried, he already feels crappy for snapping at her from before. 

“You stupid, stupid boy.”

He closes his eyes and takes a deep inhale as Rose grabs his arm, her dull nails not doing any damage to his thin sleeve. And he may of just realized that this isn’t his shirt, or sweatshirt, again.“‘Sup.” She stays silent and he opens his eyes, catching her glare in the foradesent lights from the ceiling. “Do you know how I felt when John calls me at  four in the morning, blubbering on how you’re dying and no one’s telling him anything?  _ John Egbert  _ was the one who called me to tell me my brother was dying and Karkat Vantas was the one who called him. Do you- Do you have any idea how that felt? I was three hours away, I couldn’t do anything! Thank god, Porrim had the decency to pick me up, but still what the hell were you thinking?! Running out with a sweatshirt that’s falling apart at the seams?! Sure, that seems like a splendid idea, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that.” 

“I’m fine,” he manages to get in before she starts ranting more, but that was the worst thing to say in the moment. She grabs his hands and yanks it up in front of his face, his fingers bright red and the tips a murky yellow. “Does this look fine to you? You have literal frostbite, Dave. Thankfully Mrs. Maryam here is a doctor, or else who knows- you might of ended up dead!” She’s almost to tears, hysterica rising in her voice, and each word if a knife angled straight to his heart. And he remembers all the times she’s stayed up for him in the fourteen months he’s been living with her, how many times she’s waited for him to reply after he said “strifing with my bro brb”, and how much she’s there for him. 

He’s fucked up, he  _ knows _ he’s fucked up and he knows that every word from everyone’s mouth in this fucking tiny town for the next months is going to be “Dave, what were you thinking?” and he’ll respond with,  _ “I was having my third panic attack of the day, the first was at the park and then the second was at Karkat’s house, because my abusive brother was mentioned and then Kankri was yelling at me to get out of his house for being related to my abusive brother. He also knew I can read minds and now Karkat knows and he’s going to tell everyone, so I’m pretty much screwed. Anyways, I did what Kankri said and left even though it was negative two degrees out, the coldest day of the year by the way. Part of me knew what I was doing was a life sentence and didn’t care and the other parts of me were too muddled in panic and I already felt like I was dying so what’s new?”  _ Course, he won’t actually say all that, he’s not dumb, but it would be fun to get that off his chest and see how they react. 

“I’m sorry.”

Rose bites her lips and finally wipes her eyes, successfully smearing her makeup, “Given your medical history-” And there she is. She let the emotion out to make him feel guilty and cave to her therapist needs. Why would he ever think otherwise? “-we’ve concluded that this stunt was a suicide attempt. You’ll be strictly monitored for twenty-four hours and will not be allowed to any technology or sharp objects. You’ll spend some time here, because Ms. Maryam is the only doctor in town, and then you can go home if you want. There are some friends here, like Terezi and John, I can sent them in if you want.” 

“Whoa, whoa, suicide attempt? You know that’s not what happened. He was screaming at me to get out of his house like he was a banshee and I was about to die.” She pauses, and then shakes her head, “That’s not what he told us.”

“Rose, are you really trusting the word of a corrupt priest than the word of your brother who can read minds?” He feels personally attacked for multiple reasons. One, he wouldn’t fucking dream of ending his life- he’s gone too far and he’s tried too long. Yeah, sometimes he thinks how great it would be if he jumped off his roof headfirst or drank some bleach, but that’s just his fucked up brain. He’s not actually suicidal. If he was never born, that would be a different story, otherwise fuck no. Second, if Rose was taking the word of someone who has criticized her for her “vampire” ways and her being a feminist (every Strider-Lalonde is) -except Bro- but then preaches on how everyone needs to come together to accept his boyfriend being born a merman in a human body then that’s straight up betrayal.  “Of course not, Dave, but it’s out of my hands. I’m a fourteen year-old girl, not a doctor like Mrs. Maryam, even if I’m studying in ph- sorry ‘fancy human emotions’ as you put it.”

He glares at her through his shades, and spits out, “I’ll see my friends now.”

**_You’re being so unreasonable here, brother. Did you happen forget on how you almost died? In order to make sure you don’t almost die from being an idiot, you need to cooperate._ **

He curses, rubbing his forehead with his forefingers and Rose replies with snark, “Also, no reading any minds during the twenty-four hours. I’m sure that would be for everyone’s benefit.” Thank god she doesn’t know he read Karkat’s mind for two hours straight, that would be so embarrassing, “Ughhhhh. Fine. I’ll stay inside, but just so ya know, if ya’ll were on fire and I had to pee, I won’t go number one on you. I’ll piss in the bush like a fucking gentlemen.” 

“And leave me there to die?”

He doesn’t bother answering, just taking a cookie and breaking it in half, stuffing one in his mouth. It had cooled down so it didn’t burn his mouth, thankfully. Don’t be fooled, he’s still fucking pissed at her, and she knows it. Rose walks away, her black flats scruffing on the floor no matter how hard she tries to be quiet. She’s never quite there, and he’s not complaining; the more loud you are, the morer Dave tends to gravitate towards you. (That’s one of the reasons he’s so allured by Karkat, who’s so angry in his head, but so very silent outloud). “DAVE!!!”

Terezi squeezes her arms around his middle, her cherry breath huffing in his ear makes him cringe and push her back. How long was he asleep? Cause TZ is sporting a new haircut and he knows that her step-father, Richard, is really hardcore with the no hair cut rule for all the girls. It’s hella misogynist cause Tavros’s hair is a fucking mohawk. Her brown, which was always nearing the side of ginger on the total real hair spectrum that he totally didn’t pull out of his ass right now, is now sporting cherry red bangs, it’s also several inches shorter. “Damn, the old man finally let you cut your hair? Consider me surprised. The one Dave Strider, cool-kid by day and rapper by night, finally got shocked. Write it down in your history books, kids, cause this is going to be remembered for forever.”

She snorts, pushing his shoulder with scary accuracy, “Nah. I used your suicidal attempt to get him to cave. I didn’t know that man could feel guilt and pity, the wonders of the world!” She crackles, and snags the other half of his homemade cookie, “Really though. Why’da you it?” He shrugs, watching her set her dagaon cane down and slide on the stool next to him. 

He remembers how he crushed on her when he was new for exactly one month and a half, dated her for four, and then broke up with her because she cheated on him with the exact stoner who wants him dead. Those two cheating lovebirds lasted about one month because Dave told Vriska what the fuck was happening so she meddled and they broke up finally. God, he can’t believe he had to read her mind in order to find out what’s going on, both times. Fuck, how hurt he felt when she was thinking about sucking Gamzee when she’s kissing him. He had immediately pushed her away and left her house with nothing to say. ~~\-----He texted her:~~ ~~_ We’re done.  _ She still doesn’t know how he found out and he’s sure as hell not telling her.---- ~~

It’s a miracle how they’re still friends, but it’s a small school and everyone knows everyone, so it was only a matter of time before they started talking again. Neither of them apologized, and they have an unspoken agreement to never mention it, so as long as they follow those rules they can pretend they never dated. “Hey???” He blinked, zoning in again from flashback memory lane that nobody lives at because of how crappy it is. “Yeah?”

“Tisk, I asked why did you do it.”

He had shrugged, and- right. She’s blind. However, he knows she could’ve totally smelled that or however she does that weird thing and she’s just pulling the  _ ‘oh I totally didn’t sense you shrugging’ _ card on him to make him answer. He would feel attacked if he didn’t know for a fact all that information is crap, “I didn’t try to kill myself. Kankri told me to fucking leave so I ran out of there with my tail tucked between my legs and my ears drooping on my head.” 

“Mr. Vantas? That’s weird. Usually, he’s a good guy who smells like strawberries and bakes really good cheesecake,” as if she knew he’s waiting for an explanation, she continues, “Him and Ricky are hatefriends. He comes over a lot so I eat a lot of cheesecake.” Her smile is wicked, her red braces sticking out like a sore thumb in those pearly whites. She wears a lot of red for someone who can’t see, with her red hair, braces, glasses, cosplay hoodie, and (hopefully ironic) crocs. He’s long since questioned her ways. “Hatefriends...Hatefriends who snog!” She crackles, spitting jumping off her mouth in a haste to get away from her tongue and splatting smack dab on his forehead. At least it wasn’t his shades. “I’m kidding! Oh, how I wish it was true, but sadly, Mr. Firetruck Red in knee deep with Cronus Ampora.” She spits out the name like it’s a bell pepper and she can’t handle the heat. 

“The fuck is hatefriends?” He notices that the sheet is missing two cookies, how she ate them without him watching he’ll never know, “And I thought John was with ya. Where’s he?” Her smile, a smile that was once pressed up against his, turns towards in a frown and she huffs, crossing her arms. “With the new kid, I guess. Wow, I can’t imagine how much shit he’s feeling.” She laughs, snorting against her hand before she takes a giant bite of a new cookie that appeared randomly in her hand, crumbs flying everywhere as she talks, “Dave? His hair is red. Anyone with red hair needs to be taken straight to court!” Dave takes another cookie, noting that the stack is going away fast, and mumbles, “Funny. Non-straight person goes straight to court. Contradictory.” She laughs.

They had shot the poor, brain-damaged bird for awhile, (like an hour at most and it turns out it’s like two in the afternoon when he woke up, damn), when the door to the kitchen swings wide open, a loud crack as the knob slams into the wall, and speak of the devil. Devils? There’s two of them. The height difference between them is big, but not as big as the difference between Karkat and Dave cause John is about 5’6 or 5’7. He’ll sprout up in a couple years if he’s going to end up as tall as his dad, who is a tall, tall man. His black hair is wild, but in the same style that it always is, (it’s a wonder how that happens) and he’s wearing his blue hoodie with really long stupid hood today. Yeah, Dave can see why Karkat likes him, he’s cute and funny in a dork way. His eyes are really blue? …Yeah that’s it. He can’t find anything else appealing about him, the kid is huge nerd who is married to Nick freaking Cage of all actors.

“Thank god y-”, Karkat cuts John off with a louder voice, “DO YOU REALIZE HOW STUPID YOU ARE?!” He storms up to Dave, his brown (red red red red) eyes narrowing with a snarl of his mouth, “Going out in the fucking cold like that? Do you have a death wish or are you really that fucking dumb?! Did you replace your braincells with cut out cardboard copies of Eminem's pierced dick to make you ‘more cool’, well I apologize, Strider, but that’s not how it fucking works! God, you are the epitome of stupid, do you know that?! You’re not even fucking cool, more like a hipster barfpuppet whose hand won’t get the hell out of your tight purposely ripped jeans, you’re addicted to masterbation! Holy hell, someone call TLC!”

He's as red in the face as his stupidly bright hair, and Dave feels the urge to ruffle his hair to have it sticking up like a cat. Huh. Kar-cat. He snorts to himself, the accidental pun deserved a chuckle, but a snort will have to do. “Do you think this is funny?!” Dave gestures to John and Terezi, both are snickering out from behind their palms, “They do.”

And like he was a balloon that was just popped by a dart that the buff guy in the bar threw, he collapsed in on himself with his hands shaking. Dave can hear the regret, fear, and the shame thoughts brewing in Karkat’s mind and he feels guilt for pointing them laughing, as dumb as that sounds. Karkat’s shy, and honestly? Dave’s been waiting to be yelled like that ever since he first read the ginger’s mind, he wanted to see if his bark was as worse as his thought. (It is). 

“Uh, Karkat?  You okay?”

John stops laughing and nudges him, but the shorty just curls in closer, stammering he’s fine and he doesn’t need any help. Dave doesn’t believe that for crap, and the two other teens seem to be weary as well, though John just shrugs, then jumps up. “Oh, I almost forgot! Dave, you almost died!” Dave manages to get out of his chair and sidestep the incoming hug, “Not really. Just a nip of frostbite. Don’t you know I’m John Snow?” 

“If anyone’s John Snow, it’s me! We have the same name anyways. Plus, you know nothing about the…” Dave tunes him out, focusing on Karkat and how scary his thoughts seem. He knows Rose told him not too, and, he owes him to not read his mind? Fuck, what he’s trying to say is that last night Karkat was extremely helpful and saved his ass multiple times, not asking why  _ once.  _ That...means a lot to Dave, having someone you barely even know help you out for no reason other than to just be there for them. It’s no secret that he never had that growing up, and even when he moved, his mother isn’t the epitome of parenting. She uses her money to get what she wants, she bought him a drawing tablet and a new camera to make up for not being in his life for thirteen years. Hell, he’s never heard Rose tell him she loves him! She uses hints and snark to show her affection, and he’s so deprived from being cared for that Karkat just bandaging his hands meant  _ so much _ . 

“Terezi, John, can ya’ll leave? Like now. I swear I’ll use the broom, don’t try me.” He smirks to show he’s not serious about the broom part, and he hopes they got that he really needs them to leave. Terezi’s licking the plate clean, so John questions for both of them, and Dave’s actually proud of them for not bickering once since they got here. (Which was like ten minutes ago for John, damn, that’s not good bro behavior). “Why? I just got here, and why does Karkat get to stay?”

The hurt in his voice kills him, yet he keeps strong, “Because I said some embarrassing things last night and I wanna make sure he never tells a soul.” Apparently, that was good enough of a reason, because John leaves with a hunched back and Terezi follow him, but not without leaning in to whisper in his ear, “Tell me what his dick taste like!” He sputters and flips her off behind her shaking body, crackling with laughter; she gets through the door with only stumbling once. 

Karkat glances up, his hands twitching as he tries to hide them in his sweater sleeves and Dave sees his mouth move like he’s counting silently. He sits back down, swaps the last cookie, and listens intensely to the music. One, he thinks this is is song sung in french, and two, he has no idea how to calm people down when they’re having an anxiety attack. He’s having an attack, right? Yeah, he knows he was abused, and PTSD is a huge fucking thing that controls his life that gives him attacks all the fucking time, (he’s never gone to therapy or had medication because he’s not  _ crazy.  _ The attacks suck ass, but he can deal with it just fine with no fancy person telling him the correct way to breathe), but he’s never actually seen someone else having one. He doesn’t really want **to** see, so he chews on his cookie and outlines drawing ideas on the marble counter. Just feeling the emotions of  Karkat’s thoughts is enough for him.

After ten minutes of silence, Karkat speaks, “Why..Why did you send them out?”

Dave shrugs, something he’s been doing a lot lately, and answers bluntly, “You were having a panic attack and I didn’t think you wanted them to see you like that. I don’t even think you’ve talked to Terezi once, what a weird first impression she has of ya’ll now, not that it was bad, but you screamed at me, then got all quiet in a matter of fucking seconds. Weird. What was that about anyways? I know you’re loud all the time and shit, but you’re really fucking shy a lot too. It’s like you’re a two-face or that one anime character with the braids. Dirk showed it to me once.”

An uncomfortable feeling settles in his gut at his mention of his cousin, who he hasn’t seen in literal months. He headed off to college a year ago, more than a year now, and never responded to any calls or text messages. They got some emails a few months of nothing, which were basically saying that he’s fine and he’s really busy with schoolwork and projects so he won’t be visiting anytime soon, so Roxy had the big idea to apply to MIT herself. MIT was the school he was attending and unfortunately, she didn’t get in. Now, Dirk emails quite often, but that’s all it is. He doesn’t come to Christmas dinners or Thanksgiving, and the emails don’t quite sound like him. It’s really fucking close, but hanging out with the guy once a month for your whole life causes you to learn a couple things about him, and using a lot technology advanced words isn’t something he would do in an email to someone like Jake, (Jade’s cousin who’s like twenty-one).

It’s weird.

“I wasn’t having a panic attack, just regretting all of my life decisions; Not everyone is as fragile as you, Strider, and for your infomation, I have social anxiety so people laughing at me tends to cause me panic. What the fuck was your deal last night?” Karkat sits the seat Terezi was occupying not too long ago, and snags the last cookie from the batch, what a fucking dick. Dave freezes, and his fond smile transforms back to his stoic mask. What part does he mean? The puking, the burning, or the running away, or fuck it, the mindreading part. “What do you mean?”

“You know..? The panic attacks you seemed to have contently? Sorry, it’s probably a sore subject.” Dave sighs, partially in relief and partially in annoyance because he does not want to have this conversation, “No, it’s okay, wait I mean, yeah, it’s a really fucking sore subject, but you just admitted you have social anxiety. So, uh, I had the panic attacks because I was overwhelmed.”

Karkat stays silent, thank god, as he racks his brain to try to figure out a way to explain this. “Fuck, look, I grew up in a very shitty environment and sometimes I remember the things that happened to me in that shitty environment, which causes me to have a panic attack. I only have one full blown attack, sometimes two if I’m feeling particularly shitty, in the span of like two months, and yesterday was just a rare fucking occurrence of having three in the span of a couple fucking hours.” 

“You have two a  _ month?!” _

“Uh, sometimes, it’s not like consistent or anything.”

Dave’s sure he knows why Karkat’s so shocked, because his attacks personally, he can’t say the say for anyone else, feel like he’s  _ dying _ a slow and drawn out death, waiting for the person who caused him so much fucking shit to come slice open his rib-cage and yank out his still beating heart. Then, randomly, he wonders why he’s even telling Karkat any of this. To hide the fact that he may be a superhero without the hero part? Or maybe, just maybe, he feels a connection with him? He found someone who experiences those awful experiences like him, and it’s… nice to know that you’re not alone.

“That..That must fucking suck.”

He snorts, nodding, “Yeah, it does, but it is what it is.”

“I’m sorry, by the way.” 

He turns to him, tilting his head, and once again he thinks he knows why what he’s going to say. “Sorry for what?” Karkat bites his lip before stumbling over his words,”Ya know, the whole kicking you out hing with fucking Kankri. God, he’s such an ignorant douchewipe, you can’t read minds.” Dave chuckles awkwardly.

“Yeah. Like, people with powers don’t exist.”

**_Okay, that’s sketchy as hell. He seems like a nice guy, but what if he actually did kill my father? I don’t- I don’t know what I would do.  Fucking- kill him? He might mind powers, he would know my next move. Oh shit he has fucking mind powers! Llmama, asshole, lollypops, fuckers, crabs, hermit crabs, hermits, death, John, wait wait fuck not John._ **

Dave would like to travel back in time and die out there in the snow please Is that possible? Can someone please do that to him?, but there’s a good side to this, Karkat definitely wouldn’t be acting like this (i.n. sitting next to him) if he knew Dave could read minds. He’s just suspicious, and Dave is too. 

**_He’s not reacting to me listing random lists, but then again, he never reacts to everything. What a fucking stoic prick. He’s not saying anything though, just kinda looking at me.  If he can read minds, does he know I’m_** **_a genetic freak who’s a level zero Elsa? What fucking normal person has fucking ice powers? No, fucking hell, don’t think about that around him. Kankri was very very specific to never speak to him again, though he wouldn’t tell me why, but it’s not like I couldn’t come over here considering it was MY brother who almost killed him. “Oh, Karkat, I’m giving you a ten hour lecture on why you should listen to me and that Dave is bad news. What? He can’t read minds, that was just a slip of the tongue. Also, I keep forgetting facts about you like you’re a vegetarian and I offered to cook you some fUCKING CRAB!”_**

 

Oh. shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so im not religious so correct me if anything is wrong because i dont want to incorrectly portray a religion, so please please correct me if theres something that needs to be corrected with the maryam family.  
> Can I write Terezi well? She's a p complex character
> 
> okay so im kinda basing karkat's social anxiety off my own? because i dont know anyone else who has it and its easy to write what you know. sorry if its like way to out of the blue?  
> and im real sorry dave sort of gets out of character when he starts to open up to karkat about panic attacks...and like should i just call this story "T.W. Panic Attacks every chapter"
> 
> !!!!!!!!!!Shoutout to "M.C. Escher that's my favourite MC by Unda" for their Dave being surrounded by people who love him a lot and get him help. My Dave... um.. not so much. He has Rose? And, uh, John? He's a mess, whoooops.
> 
> sorry this chapter is so late, school started again, and,,,im lazy? Next chapter is going to be in Karkat's perspective. comment aye if you like this chapter, comment eh if you read these author notes, and comment what was your favorite part and what you think is going to happen. or just comment. i like comments. 
> 
> have a nice day. thank you for reading.


	9. there's songs in the mirrors written all over the floors, all over the chairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Seven years of walking on air  
> hasn’t killed the ghost between my bones.  
> I am slipping away from here  
> but I do not know where else to go.
> 
> Smoke and mirrors  
> cannot conjure a breath.  
> And you cannot protect  
> what is already dead."  
> -See In The Dark (Gio Navas)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took so long, im sorry. if you thought last one was a filler chapter, than get ready for this one. its in karkats pov btw.
> 
> its basically a set up for the plot plot bc like sburb/sgurb, if you remember from eariler chapters- thats actually important information. ive set up a bunch of small details in all of the chapters that probs get unnoticed and not recognized, but like, when the shits happens, i kinda warned you?
> 
> have fun with this one, it was a lot easier to write than daves ones.

“Dave?”

  
  
He’s unusually very silent, and his fingers that were tapping along to some beat on the marble counter seconds ago were still. You worry he’s having another panic attack, and then worry if he’s seeing someone for them, because having three in one day is not healthy or anything remote to it at all. But then he shakes his head, his white bangs falling in front of his shades, and responds curtly, “What? Sorry man, I was zoning out for a bit.” You hold yourself back from pushing his fringe back, god knows how he’ll react, and repeat to yourself that he might’ve killed your father. He could be responsible.  
  
But you’re not sure how much you trust your brother these days.  
  
Dave’s so damaged, and frail, yet he still hides himself behind a set of barbed wires and stone bricks and never lets anyone into his burning building of a heart. He doesn’t hold faith in anyone, and those who he did hold faith in turned their back on him when he needed them the most. You know this, because you’re the exact same way.  
  
You want to get him to trust you, and you don’t want to let yourself trust him. Everything you saw last night showed signs that he has no one; just like you, and every sign last night showed that he has powers too. You don’t know what that means right now, what you’ll do when Kankri finishes packing up[ all of your stuff, but you know you can’t make up your mind now.

  
You- You want to fix Dave Strider.

  
“Okay..” You don’t believe him, he looked so lost and just staring, and you worry so much about his health. He shakes his head to get his hair away, and shrug, “I haven’t had my meds all day, and I’m starting to get this huge migraine.” You frown, tracing patterns on the counter in an almost absentminded manner in retaliation to his finger tapping, “You take medication?”  
  
“What? No. Pain relievers. OxyContin, aspirin, vicodin, stuff like that.”  
  
You stare openly at him, “Dave, you do know that the two medication you just named are incredibly addictive, right?” He shakes his head, picking at the crumbs on his plate from the cookies, then licking his finger where he picked them up. “I mostly take aspirin, dude, I’m fine. And if you think I’m balls deep in addiction, then remember that I haven’t taken any today.” He has a point, and if Kanaya told you correctly, then he would’ve been up for six hours by now; not asking once for a fix. You’re just worrying again.  
  
“..Listen-”  
  
“Look-”  
  
You both start at the same time and end just as quickly. You, being you, stay silent for a good five minutes before he starts to speak again, “Karkat, holy crap am I tired of dancing around this. We both know that superheroes actually exist, so you can cut the bullshit and spit it out. You have ice powers.”  
  
You freeze up, swallowing, and force out a quiet what.  
  
He shakes his head, lets out a scoff, and stands, the stoll scraping against the floor with a jarring noise that hurts your ears. “I have to piss, don’t leave.” Then, he leaves to the direction of the bathroom, leaving you alone with your blood ringing in your ears and a lump in your throat. There’s a thought in the back of your mind that he’s not allowed to be alone, that he could hurt himself, but it’s the bathroom and it wasn’t a suicide attempt from what you can tell because you were actually there to witness it.  
  
It’s..There’s no “dancing” around it or whatever the fuck that mean, he can read minds and he knows about you knowing about him knowing about you knowing about him. What do you do now? There wasn’t a set guideline for these kind of things. You’re shocked, you really didn’t expect for him to just ask outright, or well, state outright. You’re screwed, right? He’s going to go get his brother, or whoever, and kill you just like they did to your father. He killed your father.  
  
It’s not until forty minutes later did you think that he’s been in there for an unusual amount of time, and when you check you’re not surprised to find it empty.  
  
When you come home, you’re face when an abnormal amount of moving boxes towered high. You peek around them to see your brother frustrated beyond normal as he tries to shove another pillow into an already filled box. You don’t even know why he has that many boxes, and it’s like, you get it. You’re moving. You’re leaving this town because it’s not safe anymore, Dave Strider is a danger, yada yada blah blah bullshit. You’ve already braced yourself with him screaming at you, or worse, being disappointed in the fact that you snuck out of your room to see if the person that you were specifically told to never come in contact again.  
  
“Oh, Karkat! Finally you’re here, if you could pack up the stuff in the bathroom, then that would be great.” You narrow your eyes at his cheerfulness, which is fake, no doubt. He’s not going to yell at you for sneaking out? Ground you? Tape your wrists and legs together then throw you in the car’s trunk?  
  
“Karkat, now would be the most optional.”  
  
You slouch your way to the bathroom, and relive earlier today in your head. Moving would be the best option, Kankri was right- fuck, you’re such a dumbass! Why the hell would you defend someone that you just met? Because he was pitiful? Because you finally thought you had a connection with someone that understood your problems? Maybe you just think the best of everyone, even though most of the time it fucks you in the ass in the end.  
You did that with Gamzee, and you remembered where that got you; expelled from the school and three weeks of community service.  
Yeah, you’re just going to pack up all the deodorant, and shampoo. Throw the toothbrushes away because Kanaya said you should do that every four months and you’re not sure how long Kankri’s had his, he might mind you doing that, but whatever, right? It’s not like you can get into any more trouble. He didn’t even fucking ground you, and you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or, has it already? He’s taking you away from all of your friends, besides Sollux, to Kanaya’s summer home. He won’t even tell you the reason why.  
  
That night, in the backseat of a moving van with your “I FUCKED UP” playlist thundering in your ears, you cry yourself to sleep. Five hours later you wake up to find yourself curled up on a couch with a blanket thrown hastily over you and any evidence of your crying wiped from your flushed cheeks. Your toes tingle from the cold, but you can blame bad circulation for that. After searching awkwardly for your phone in the murky darkness, you feel your fingers slide across the smooth, cool screen and you pull it towards your face.  
  
Ouch, shit, bright light.  
  
You have several missed messages, and even another call from John. Feeling guilt pool in your stomach, you click on Kanaya’s first. She always the safest bet.  
  
_Private Chat Between_ Karkat Vantas **(My Son (NOT REALLY))** _and_ Kanaya Maryam **(Passion Fashion)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Karkat Are You Okay**  
**I Saw What Happened With Dave And I Dont Agree With The Theory That Hes Suicidal**  
**Nothing In The Past Has Shown Signs Of It At Least**  
**And Ive Known Him FOr Quite Sometime Now (5:23pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Are You There (5:49pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: I Guess Not Still I Heard You Visited Dave**  
**What Exactly Happened To Make Him Run Out Like That**  
**I Dont Buy Kankris Story As Ive Stated Before**  
**Dave May Be Alot Of Things But He Wouldnt Try To Kill Himself Via Frostbite (6:03pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Also Can You Tell Dave I Send My Wishes For Him**  
**I Had To Leave Early When He Was Still Asleep To Watch Nepeta And Her Cats**  
**Its A Long Story (6:11pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Youre Moving Now**  
**But You Just Got Here Two Days Ago**  
**Where Are You Moving**  
**Why Are You Moving (7:34pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: I Dont Mind Sharing My Summer Home**  
**Its Not Mine Its My Mothers**  
**I Still Dont Understand (7:59pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Porrim Told Me In Very Sketchy Detail That Its Because Of Your Father**  
**Im Sorry About Him Again**  
**He Was A Good Uncle To Me And Porrim (8:11pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** HEY, KANAYA. I’M HERE NOW, WHAT’S UP? (10:40pm)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: Hello Karkat Youre Up Late (10:43pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** NOT REALLY, I MEAN, YOU’VE SEEN ME IN THE PAST. THIS IS NOTHING. (10:47pm)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: Yes I Guess I have**  
**Anyways How Are You (10:47pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** …HONESTLY? (10:50pm)_  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** I’M SO FUCKING EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED. _  
_I JUST WANT TO CURL UP AND DIE A MISERABLE DEATH AT THIS POINT. (10:52pm)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: No**  
**Are You At Least Finding Our Summer Home Liveable**  
**For Now Im Sure Youre Not Going To Stay There (10:56pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** I’M NOT THERE YET._  
_KANKRI AND I ARE SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE OLD MOTEL BECAUSE HE DOESN’T TRUST HIMSELF TO DRIVE IN THE DARK. I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW THIS SHITTY SMALL TOWN HAD A MOTEL. (10:58pm)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: Oh You Just Woke Up**  
**And I Dont Want To Meddle**  
**But What Happened (11:00pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** KANAYA, YOU ARE FUCKING KNOWN TO STICK YOUR NOSE IS BUSINESS THAT DOESN’T INVOLVE YOU. REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME YOU CAME OVER AND YOU TRIED TO SNEAK INTO MY DAD’S STUDY?_  
_HOLY CRAPSMELLING SHIT, YOU GOT HOSED. (11:06)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: Yes I remember**  
**Should I clarify I Mean What Happened With Dave (11:08pm)**  
  
**Passion Fashion: Because When I Saw Him He Was Weirdly Silent And That Didnt Happen At All In The Time That Ive Known Him And Terezi Told Me That You Were With Him Last (11:10pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** DAVE? (11:11pm)_  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** KANAYA, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK ANYMORE. I TRUSTED HIM, WHICH WAS A DUMBASS THING TO DO CONSIDERING I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW HIM. (11:13pm)_  
  
**Passion Fashion: What (11:13pm)**  
  
_**My Son (NOT REALLY):** HE KILLED MY DAD. (11:15pm)_  
  
Your screen gets blurry, or rather your eyesight gets blurry, and you wipe the back of your hands across them, laying your phone down on your chest as it buzzed with incoming messages. For not the first time, you wish everything had turned out differently. Maybe if Kankri didn’t leave when he was old enough, your father wouldn’t be murdered, or if you stayed with Aunt Dora instead, but whining isn’t going to get you anywhere, is it? Though...  
  
You could always get revenge.  
  
Your eyes flutter closed as you think about it. It wouldn’t be simple, you’ll have to track down whoever did it, but it would be worth it. Your father’s death rests on your shoulders, so it should be you to do the job and it’s not like the police are doing anything about it. The fire was a simple accident, caused by a short fuse. ‘It happens,’ they told you, ‘It’s an old house, the wiring get fused together.’  
  
You spread your fingers outwards to reach, thinking how sympathetic everyone’s faces were as they patted your shoulder and whispered they’re sorry for your loss. A waft of crisp air cuts through your cheek, lighting it red, and combines with the others that swirl together. Kanaya’s message, ‘Im Sorry About Him Again’. Kankri forgetting you’re a vegetarian. You feel droplets of water land on your face, and you stick your tongue out to catch one. Cold.

  
Half of the time, it doesn’t even feel real. Like the grief hasn’t hit you? He was absent a lot of the time, and so it feels like he’s just on a business trip. Or, he’s in his study, or he’s doing some protest and you’re stuck with Kankri as your babysitter. But, like before with your sudden freakout that transformed your room into Elsa’s castle, it hits you so fucking hard.  
You didn’t want to be shackled with powers, you would’ve been fine with nothing, you fucking didn’t ask for this.

  
You can’t describe how it feels using your powers coherently, it’s like that moment when you’re on a roller coaster at the top before the big, long drop and all your hands are sweaty, but there’s this humongous smile on your face. Or when you’re playing this hardcore video game, button mashing as desperately as you could, because it’s the final level and you’re out of lives. It’s everything and more.

  
Another buzz came through your phone, so you clench your hands together and finally open your eyes, the feeling passing through and dispensing. Just above you there’s a small cloud that’s slowly dripping crystals of snow over the couch and your body, you could almost reach out to touch it if you wanted. A small cloud, you created a fucking small cloud, and you’re so fucking shocked that you don’t move.

  
You’ve never created an actual cloud before, just random bursts of ice that left your pams stinging and your breath white. This means you’re getting more control over it, right? You could- you could protect yourself, you could protect Kankri, Kanaya, and John if you needed too. You can take down whoever killed your father, and whoever that was it definitely had something to do with Dave.  
  
_Private Chat Between_ Karkat Vantas **(sebastian)** _and_ John Egbert **(flounder)**  
  
**flounder: dude!! what the fuck, man!**  
**youre moving, oh wait no, youre already gone!**  
**i thought we finally lived next to each other like how best bros do, but you just leave?**  
**D: < (8:45PM)**

  
_**sebastian:** JOHN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DAVE STRIDER? (11:20pm) _

  
**flounder: oh, so you prefer dave to me now??**  
**he’s not that cool ya know, he’s a huge dweeb! (11:29pm)**

  
_**sebastion:** JESUS, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS. I DON’T LIKE HIM, IN FACT I FUCKING HATE HIM, BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT. _  
_ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE THE FUCKING DEETS OR NOT, EGDIPSHIT? (11:32pm)_  
  
**flounder: no! i will do no such thing because daves my best bro and bros dont do that to each other.**  
**just like how bros dont leaves other bros behind! (11:33pm)**  
  
_**sebastion:** FUCK YOU, IT’S NOT LIKE I HAD ANY FUCKING CHOICE. (11:33pm)_  
  
_**sebastion:** PLEASE, IT’S IMPORTANT. (11:35pm)_  
  
**flounder: whats in it for me? (11:38pm)**  
  
_**sebastion:** JOHN, I KNOW SOMEONE WHO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU, SO WE CAN TRADE INFORMATION. (11:40PM)_  
  
You wait out the reply, drumming your fingers on your phone before that reminds you of early today when Dave was drumming his fingers on the counter. You stop, then call John; yes, you is the person who calls. Shut up. And more importantly, John is the type of person who answers, and calls more than you.

_“Karkat, you can’t call so late, my father might hear us!”_

“Just fucking tell me.”

  
_“Fineee, but you can’t tell Dave, and if you do..I’ll kick your ass!”_

  
_“_ Hmm, of course.”

  
_“Anyways, Dave’s been my friend as long as I can remember. He was such an asshole at first! One time…”_

30 minutes later and a headache, you know everything there is to know about Dave Strider. His favorite color is red, he hates the color orange, he’s obsessed with apple juice, irony, and memes, he has ten shirts of the same symbol; etc, etc, etc. And it seems John knows just as much as you do when it comes to the sun-kissed freckled boy. He moved in with his mother over a year ago, he’s twins with Rose, and he lived with someone who apparently was ‘a bigger dick than Dave himself!’ You remember how tense Dave seemed when he admitted to you that he grew up in a shitty environment.  
He seemed so innocent.

  
You throw the blanket off of you, and reach down blindly to find your shoes. You need answers, and like hell are you going to get them in a summer house three hours away; which is where you’re going as soon as Kankri wakes the fuck up. Jesus, you’re so done with running away from your problems, and everyone’s hiding shit from you like you’re some toddler that can’t handle the truth. News flash people, you’re not a child, but rather a young adult and you can make your own fucking decisions.

  
And your decision is to get vengeance.

  
So, you map out a plan in your head. First things are first, you need to get to Dave and pry at him until he unloads everything he knows about powers, your father, and whoever is his brother. John was no help besides giving you facts that you didn’t need to know. Sure, it’s nice to know someone who has the same music taste as you, and you’re both team Taylor, but her new album is just thirteen year-old girl angst crap. Cats are obviously better than dogs, though you prefer crabs over everything while he has an uncanny love for birds.

  
It’s crazy how much you think you know someone, but then they have all things other little facts that you weren’t aware of. Seriously, you spent three some odd hours with Dave before Kankri fucked everything up, so you thought you got a good read: you obviously didn’t.  
After your shoes are on and your laces are tied, you look over your shoulder at a peacefully sleeping Kankri. You’ll be back before he wakes up, because if he wakes up to see you not here than he’ll freak out and call the cops. He’s too overprotective for a brother that was absent for most of your life.

  
You take his coat (it looks like father’s old coat, but that’s been missing for years) and put it over your sweater, zipping the brown leather all the way up. Pocketing your phone, the room key, and Kankri’s wallet in an old rust-covered backpack, you leave into the chilly night. A lot of shit happens at night, you realize.  
It was nighttime when you ran into Dave at the park, (when felt like such a long time ago, but it was only two days). And, when Kankri through Dave out. It was night when you got the news, and it was night when you eavesdropped.  
There’s a little problem of how you’re going to get to Dave’s house, and you run through all the people that can help you.

  
**John Egbert:** No way, he just spend two hours talking about his best friend behind his back, so there’s no way he’ll help you anymore. Plus, his father’s the one with the car and you’re more likely to get a grounding from him than a ride.

  
**Kanaya Maryam:** The person you’re closest to, no doubt, but she’s basically your mother and you have a feeling she’ll be disappointed in you. (Plus, she’s probably asleep by now.)

  
**Jade Harley:** That’s a big, bold maybe. You distinctly remember someone in the group at lunch mentioning how she sleeps at odd times, so it’s 50/50. You don’t know her all that well.

  
**Rose Lalonde:** Hahahahhahahahhahahaha.

  
**Terezi Pyrope:** Maybe?? You’ve only talked to her about three times, two of those of her commenting how you smell like cherry soda and how it’s a shame you’re a vegetarian because she knows something that you can eat. It was really awkward.

  
You wish Sollux was here to help you out, he would hijack someone's car like it’s that one video game he plays most often and get you in caught, but you enjoy his company and constant stream of frustration he gives you. Even if he’s a state away, he’s still your best friend. You walk down the street, your shoes crunching on the snow, leaving tracks for anyone to follow you. Sollux would probably know what to do in a time like this. He fucking sucked at comforting you when you found out your father burned in a fire, but he’s really intelligent, more smart than you’ll ever be. You miss **him.**

  
**Sollux** was your go-to back home. Shit, you remember breaking into the old arcade after hours and stealing all the coins from the machines, then spending all the money on playing arcades. You two would play for hours upon hours, before hearing the door unlock, so you would have to hide in the bathroom until ancient species that was the owner opened up shop.He’s so old that he wouldn’t think of anything when you came from the back instead of the front.  
Sure, some of the time was spent screaming turning into fighting, which was pretty even considering Sollux is all lean and bone while you pack some punch behind your bony knuckles. He would look out for you when the bullies came around, and that means hack into their facebook and posts nudes. And you would be the best wingman there is, because the ladies assumed you were gay and the was basically true, so they would let you eat at their tables; fawning over some guy named “Sollux Captor.” They started to see him as a potential love interest, while you got people who you can gossip with. It was a win-win scenario.

  
Jade’s house comes into view, and you take a peek in the window to see her strumming chords on an acoustic guitar. Her long, dark hair was pulled into a nice, neat french-braid and her pajamas were a light green with polka dots. From here, you can see all the plants that covered every spare inch of her bedroom. She’s really pretty, and has a great, bubbling personality from what you can tell, so you don’t understand why Dave just doesn’t ask her out on a date. She would look great next to him, with her bright smiles and twinkling eyes to make up for his mouth that’s always set in a straight line and covered eyes. You personally like how she didn’t take any shit from Eridan when he came up to ask her out-

  
Eridan! You stumble back and almost smack your head against the wall of the house for how idiotic you are. Eridan has no other friends that you, you’re pretty sure, so this could be a bonding exercise for the both of you. Well, he said you could eat lunch with him and whatever classes you had together you sit next to each other. Plus, he has a brother who own a fast car.  
He’s was flirting with you at some point..Hopefully he doesn’t take this plea for help as a plea for a boyfriend.

  
You scramble back, wish her a goodnight silently, and rush to fishdick’s house. It takes you a shocking fifteen minutes, so you’re heaving in air as you job up his very long driveway. His house is fucking towering over you, and you’re so lucky he has no gates or guard dogs to be seen of, because if he did then you would be fucking screwed. God, you hate dogs.

  
His house isn’t one story like Jade’s, and you don’t want to guess what room he’s in, so you grudgingly pull out your phone and text him. Damn, you have more friends than you know what to do with.

  
_**You:** ERIDAN, GET YOUR SHITTY CAPE ASS OUT HERE BEFORE I BREAK YOUR SHITTY EXPENSIVE DOOR DOWN. (12:37pm)_

  
_**ERIDAN:** wwhat to you fuckin wwant kar (12:37pm)_

_**You:** I FUCKING NEED YOUR HELP. GET DOWN HERE. (12:38pm)_

_**ERIDAN:** sigh (12:38pm)_

You wait until the doorknob jiggles, then turns, and you can see Eridan’s face peeking at you. “I could of been sleepin’, you know.” You shrug your shoulders and admit that you were actually surprised that he wasn’t. He lets you in, and you flip him off when he tells you to take off your shoes. You’re well aware of how dirty your shoes are, how old, and how worn down; you love them to fucking death for how they’re still manageable to run in. He tries to take your coat off to put on a coat rack, you glare at him until he backs off. “So, what do you need help with?”

“I need to get to Dave Strider’s house, or wherever he is basically.” Eridan raises an dark eyebrow above his bagless, glassesless eyes (is he wearing makeup?) and crosses his arms across his chest, jutting his nose up high in the air. He’s wearing satin pajamas, “Why the hell do you want to see that poor garbage?”  
“Isn’t his mother richer than your dad?”

He gapes at you, and pokes your chest with his pointer finger; he wears his rings to bed? “He doesn’t dress like it, I don’t know why he refuses to dress in anything other than those rags and hoodies. It’s an insult to us.” You don’t mention how you’re poorer than dirt, he already know from the rate of your shoes, coat, and overall outfit, and instead change the subject, “Listen, I have gone through fucking hell to get here. It’s one am and if I wasn’t used to staying up so late, I would be exhausted. No, I am fucking exhausted. So, you’re going to go get your brother and drive me to Dave’s bullshitsmelling house or I will fucking kill everything you fucking love!”

Eridan bites his lip, and you guess you looked more bite than bark unlike how you usually look, or he’s just not used to people yelling at him, because he nods. “Okay, okay. Do you think you’re the only one who needs to sleep? But, my brother’s not here. I thought he was with your brother and havin’ sex or somethin’.”  
You resist the strong urge to strangle him right there, but then he walks over to a fancy looking desk and opens a drawer, pulling out a ring of car keys. “I can drive you.” He states, looking at you with his grey eyes. Uh, what? Ten seconds pass of awkward silence before you chuckle darkly, “Ha, ha, very funny, but aren’t you the same fucking age as me? You can’t drive anymore than I can.”

He shakes his head, and a frown pulls down on his lips, “First of all, Kar, I’m fuckin’ fifteen, and do you think anyone here gives a fuck whether you’re old enough to drive or not? It’s a small town, so everybody knows everybody and even if I do get arrested, my father will sue.” He shakes the keys in his hand, but then shakes his head, “But, I’m not fuckin’ driving you there tonight. We’ll sleep before anything.”

You stomp up to him, and jab your finger in his chest, “Sleep? Yeah, right! We’re fucking going now!” He looks down at you without his stupid hipster glasses, and squints to try to see your face. He’s not going to budge on this, is he? “As your friend, I gotta make sure you’re okay, and sleepin’ in definitely something that you need. Have you seen yourself lately?”

“What about my brother? When he wakes up to find me gone, he’ll throw a huge fucking prissy fit.”  
“You can have the guest bedroom, it’s the right one down the hall upstairs, and I’ll take care of your obnoxious brother.” He puffs his chest out like he’s your knight in shining armor. You sneer at him, then turn around, stalking to the stairs.

“Kar, before you go, I gotta ask; it’s my duty as your best friend of course, but are you..ya know, okay?” Before you snap at him that no, he’s not your best friend and he never will be because he’s an inflamed douchecanon, you bite the insult back on your tongue. He’ll hate you for insulting him, and right now, he’s all you got in terms of help. “I’m fine, fuckface.”

You hate how big the guest bathroom is when you enter, simply because it’s larger than your old bedroom, and if the bathroom is like this, you wonder what the grand master’s bedroom looks like. You wonder what Dave’s house (mansion) looks like. There’s a good smelling soap that smells like blueberries, you cleverly shove it to the bottom of your bag. Eridan might just be doing this to get into your pants, but you think he has more class than his brother. He’s been tolerable at least, though going on a date with him is that last thing you’ll fucking do.

Sleeping has never come easy to you. You used to have really terrible, devastating dreams as a kid that made you wake up with your sheets wet for more reasons than sweat. You would sleep next to Kankri as often as you could, for having someone next to you to wake you up was relieving, and when he left, you would try to sleep next to your dad every chance you got. He was busy most nights, leaving you to your own dreaming doom. As you got older, the dreams stopped appearing as often, but the habits of staying up as long as you can to avoid them had soaked down to your bones, so now every night is a hit or miss of several hours of undisturbed sleep.

It seems like now is one of those nights where your thoughts aren’t loud, because when you crawled into the unused, cool sheets and hugged a pillow close to your chest, sleep came easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first part with Dave was written like months ago, yeeesh. So, you guys probably wants this big confrontation, but you're going to have to wait for the next chapter. >;)  
> I tried to keep the time consistent, and Karkat was originally going to go to Dave's in this chapter and it was going to end with him walking up the steps- but i realzied that its just unrealistic for the human body to not pass out by this time? staying up all night is a lot harder for the body than you would think.  
> so he sleeps. 
> 
> this chapter was also for other characters to be given a chance to shine, specifically Kanaya and her relationship with Karkat. this whole thing so far takes place in like two-three days? lmao thats not right for character development, but i struggle with transitioning and kinda want to show every moment? plus, i cant timeskip to like months later bc everything is happening now. 
> 
> i hope that clears somethings up, but you can always always always comment! like, im not trying to get my comments up, i genuinely love to hear feedback, support, (and any mistakes)   
> ALSO  
> THIS CHAPTER IS EXACTLY 5000 WORDS yall dont even know the struggle i went through to make it that
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


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